You have been on my heart for a long time. I have thought of you often and asked for you to be protected. I do not personally know you but sense you are miserable and have thought of ending your life. My question is, “Do you want to die?”
Somewhere along the line you decided God abandoned you. Love abandoned you. You want help but are terrified say or do anything about it. You don’t know who you can trust. Although you try to hide it – you see the pain each time you look yourself in the mirror. You are not sure how to handle your feelings. On one hand, you feel so exhausted that death is a welcome thought. On the other hand, you want life but feel you need someone to teach you how to live. You may not be able to tell the truth from lies. It might help if someone could help you make decisions….and kind of point you into the right direction. However, it is a wicked mess when you think no one cares about you because after a while you convince yourself you have decided you no longer care as well. I know you wish you could stop feeling so hopeless, but it is not that simple, is it when you decide you want to die.
First, I just want to say that you do not have to give up. Second, I want to say that everything can be all right. I would have said will be all right but some of it is up to you. Third, you need to really know that it is okay to have a desire to live. Perhaps you think no one will take time for you. Regardless of how you feel, you are important and someone will make the time. You are breathing and you have purpose you do NOT have to want to die.
Do you even know how to let someone into your private world? Do you even comprehend that you have purpose?
You may not comprehend what God is all about, but He still did what HE did for you. Although you feel you have no reason to live, HE has a reason for you to live. God Himself has a plan for your life. There is still time to find out what it is that HE has for you…even if it is one step at a time and one breath at a time.
Today, I realize we are all here to help one another live out our purpose. I remember a time when I thought about death. All the time. I never put a a razor to my arm or a rope around my neck but I felt alone and I felt desperate. Inside me, I felt like I needed someone to talk to and needed to know someone on the earth cared about me. I needed guidance in a practical way in order to live in the day to day world. I felt so needy. Helpless. Hopeless. It was humbling and I hated it. However, I decided I wanted to live and asked for help. It was not enough to hint that I needed help – some folks miss those cues. I had to be straight forward and to the point. Even then, it took some time but I did receive the guidance I needed to make a new decision and get up on my feet.
I am still learning how to live this life God gave me. It is a challenge but it is clear I have purpose and so do you.
Listen, you must give God opportunity to fulfill your potential. You do not have to continue to live out the lies of your mind. Allow someone to show you how to live in such a way that your feelings do not overwhelm you. It will require a new decision on your part but you can learn how to NOT want to die.
There is a part in the book that says, “The thief comes to steal, kill and destroy. I have come that they may have life and have it abundantly.”
Today, decide not to make decisions based on your emotions. I’m sure you agree with me that feelings come and go and can lie. The Father of all of creation does not lie. Trust the process of turning to LIFE as you decide to NOT want to die. Say it with me – I choose life.