Hope says I will pass through.
Even so, most the time, it feels like a standing still and a sinking down and a gonna drown kind of season. Drudgery and Dreadful thoughts meet me when I think I will pass through. I have to stop and give myself a moment to consider and reconsider and recalibrate the infinite possibilities of stepping out from that place of defeat.
I will pass through.
I say it again – I will pass through.
Hope says I will pass through this valley and then move up the mountain. YES! This is the true voice of expectation and strength and confidence. I have to see myself painted with confidence to maintain the image that will help me stay in peace. I will pass through.
Listen, I know you may be watching others give up. But you can’t give up.
I know you may be watching strugglers straggle. But, you can’t straggle.
You get to make a new decision in the midst of others deciding. You do not have to lean into the voices in their heads.
No, you keep yourself in trust and confidence.
With confidence, say it with me – I will pass through.
At the risk of making you the reader mad – Let me be the minority voice and have my own little ruckus because I’m an unknown woman who grew up on the wrong side of the track whose daddy owned a worm ranch and you know how fun that was to be known as the family with the worms whose nickname was Sewage… You and I both walk this same earth. Yes, I am white so go ahead and presuppose now before you read onward cause I’m sure it’s gonna make somebody mad…cause you know…that seems to be the preferred emotion this day…you know…to get angry instead of a change of mind or actually have a conversation face to face versus on facebook or this device where we do not see the pain in each others eyes and we stay clear of any kind of true compassion for the life we have lived or are now living.
WHY does the sickening hate in American continue to be about racism and not identifying the true issue?
Historically, it seems here in America, we stop and cling to the word racism every time there is any kind of violence against a non-white and then the nation riots (not the first time) and then we have an outcry against racism. If a stand against racism were the answer would it have been resolved by now? The issue is identity in all colors and not just white. We live on this same earth.
Violence was not how Martin Luther King handled his life – that man is a man who crosses all denominational and all economical and all color boundaries. He demonstrated dignity and literally changed society…He knew who He was and Whose. He paid a price for it. He was fearless.
My goodness – Why do you suppose we do not develop past our own skin color? Yes, AGAIN, I acknowledge I’m still white and now some may be protesting from non-white skin and say something like this: “You don’t know what it is like to walk in my shoes…or my mom’s or grandfathers or …….onward…. And you don’t know what it was like to walk in mine either. This country is IMMATURE IN developing respect… for just about anything really when you think about it…. We all want to shift blame to somebody else for why we have a lack of identity. I see the disrespect in the mom for her role as I see her ignore her child while on her phone every single day when she walks the kid around the corner. I see the kids next door completely ignore instructions from their parents. I almost get hit by cars thinking it is cool to race down the highway in rush-hour as they endanger all of us in their competition. I see an entire family including kids on their cell phones at dinner ignoring one another. These are all colors and all ages and all economics. Disrespect for one another is learned. Respect is learned. But lack of love is probably at the core root.
You are right – I don’t know what it was like to walk or what it IS like to walk in your shoes. I was bullied as a kid and as an adult every single day (not tarred and feathered) but continually hit and continually made fun of and was poor and paid for vacations with bottles my parents found on the side of the road so part of me has had some issues maybe some of you did not have…
I grew up under the leadership of an earthly father who felt hitting was the best way to communicate his love language. I grew up with kids who ridiculed me daily and I hated myself with a vengeance most my life… What I experienced is not the same as any-color racism –
ALTHOUGH at the time it tore me apart and almost took my life many times in my lifetime….
Racism is found in all cultures across the globe – cultural prejudice within and outside of all sorts of sects and family lines and cities and nations including inside America.
Yet all of us walk on this same earth.
And honestly, it seems to be white people who stop whatever they are doing to jump up and down to come to the defense of racism more than anyone – is it guilt? Do we want to be popular? Do we want others to think well of us? Do we want more friends? Do we really want to make a difference? Why is the cry for racism only during riots and bloodshed?
If it was really solely a race issue – do you think it could have been resolved by now?
Are you really convinced race is the issue?
COULD it be deeper than race…deeper than skin shade…?
I just wish we had a true strategy to solve this sickening emotion/hatred.
I’m thinking we as a nation – a people – all over the globe – don’t know who we are and we don’t know WHOSE we are and we don’t acknowledge we have the exact same color blood and we breathe the exact same air and we have the same organs. We won’t consider that we all came from the same Spirit and we all return to the same Spirit after we leave this same earth that we all walk on together.
Instead, we use emotions as our excuse for actions and behavior
that belittles, reinforces, dishonors, angers and rules atmospheres…separates, divides, shifts blame and takes blame.
I was thinking today that it is ironic to think the one rioting may be robbing their heavenly neighbor?? Sad to think the one prejudice against that other is having attitude with someone who holds God Already living inside them and living alongside of them and will see them in the next place of existence…until then – we all walk on this same earth.
It is not just us white people who don’t now who we are – it is every color as we walk this same earth.
Screwed Up MESS is what is happening folks.
End of my rant.
Have a great day.
Make a non violent rumble will you?
Let your voice be heard.
But let it be a voice for humanity and not just your section of humanity… because right now we are ALL focused on this one thing…in unity to stop something that we won’t stop by using all these little posts and antics of poopularity…………. 🙂
Be mad. When we are mad, we stop being kind to others AND ourselves…
because that is how the emotion of hate – separation – division – works…
hate is an inside job that shows up on the outside…
If I were not white would you still be mad for me writing this?
LOVE WILL ALWAYS BE THE ANSWER.
Love is an inside job.
Where is our Wisdom as an entire people?
NOT A PASSIVE LOVE.
NOT A COMPLACENT LOVE.
BUT a Union in Love from Love with an origin from ABOVE Who may even live inside of you (even if you have turned to hate God or Higher Power or WHATEVER/WHOMEVER You call the one who gives you breath and blood) So, are we fighting amongst our own brothers and sisters? WHEN REALLY we are all really one color…. ?? Something to think about as we walk this same earth.
Interesting to think we have the same Father … we were all birthed…
You have thoughts? I would love to hear some response from love not hate. So, if you don’t know me, you won’t hear compassion, you won’t see the tears, you won’t care about my heart that cares…
Pondering life. Fascinated God chose us before the foundation of the world. While yet not breathing, He chose us. While yet against Him, He included those He created. HE is in us, around us. What does it mean? All things exist in heaven and earth because of Him, adhering to Him. For Him. By Him. Through Him. Including you. Including me. How devastatingly unpractical yet our reality – not just a doctrinal truth. You can hear Him.
Father restoring relationship through His Son for all mankind? Father forgiving all of mankind through One Sacrifice? Without our help or permission. One Sacrifice resurrected for all mankind. What do you do with that? If Adam caused mankind to be dead then certainly Jesus brought life to mankind? Surely we don’t see Adam as more powerful than Christ? Surely, Jesus’ obedience trumps Adam’s disobedience? Restoring mankind’s position to rule and reign. Restored so He is living in us and through us. Is this the Grace we do not quite understand? That He chose us? Without our mental ascent? Without our heart’s agreement? His decision? You can hear Him.
Imagine a Person stepping inside you so that you have an upclose personal relationship with our Creator – our Father – our God – one where He never leaves you…never forsakes you…because He breathes inside you and through you- answering your deepest questions through a whisper, a nudge, a thought, an audible word, or through the mystery of silence. Heaven coming to live in you through The Son. You are alive. You are not dead. You can be born again. You can hear Him yourself.
Don’t allow dark ignorance depersonalize The Most Personal, Relational, Loving Person of all time. Look up. See The Man. See God. See The King. Embrace the kingdom. You are a son or a daughter of your Father’s kingdom. God yet Friend. Master yet Brother. Complete Authority yet not controlling you. Freedom to cultivate relationship with The Most Powerful Being from time without time.
When the son ran away from his father to spend his inheritance – it says he came to his senses and planned his way back home. His thought process was to present himself as not good enough to be his father’s son and be hired as a servant. Did the the son lose his identity when he went away to squander his inheritance? What else? I see that he also left the presence of his father’s love, acceptance and affirmation. The son may have returned out of ‘need’ but his father received him back as family with no questions asked. Once a son – always a son – behavior does not determine bloodline. You may have lost your way but HE has not lost you. You were never lost by Him. You are found. Seriously how would Almighty God lose His own son? Like He doesn’t have eyes to see his location or ears to hear his thoughts? So what’s the hold up? You can hear Him.
Could Father be waiting for you to wake up to His Love and acceptance and affirmation… that you are His – always have been and always will be? Church may not be your safe place but Father has a ring for your hand, sandals for your feet, food for your sustenance and arms open wide because you are not a servant but His son. You can hear Him- Love-d
Have you ever known someone who was so broken that their expectancy was zero? I have felt like that before myself and it was a horrible season of not trusting myself, others or God. I was so downtrodden by my own mistakes that I did not expect faith.
I did not expect trust or reliance. I was lost inside myself. Though my Father was right there inside me with great expectation as He talked to me about living life, I could not hear His voice because I had no compass for believing He would talk to me when I felt like my life was nothing.
I want to encourage you today to expect faith.
Hope in God again. Hope in people again. Hope in yourself again. Hope in the sun coming up again.
Expect faith my friend. Expect yourself to trust again. See yourself in your own mind standing up and taking steps.
Every time you sit in a chair – you expect it to hold you.
Every time you set your alarm – you expect it to wake you.
Every time you brush your teeth – you expect those bristles to work.
You DO know how to trust – you just don’t realize it looks and feels as mundane as getting up or breathing air or sitting down.
Expect again my friend.
Breathe in a fresh idea of expectancy.
Hope says to Love yourself without limits. Love yourself. Yes, I am clear. Love yourself.
Listen, one thing I know is I have made a bucket filled with mistakes. I have made people mad. I have disappointed others. I have unknowingly betrayed and been betrayed. I have lived in pain and fear and dread and thought I would die. Nobody said – love yourself.
I was directed to love God. Yet, loving God was not my answer. Don’t shoot me. HE already loves me. YES, I need to love Him. But, if we love Him … that does not mean we love ourselves. So, I’m telling you right now in the midst of all the junk going on in your private world where nobody sees and you don’t want anybody to see – love yourself.
Being loved by God is the way to finding the key to loving yourself.
It took me years to embrace the reality that Someone would Love me unconditionally without getting cleaned up or perfect. People wanted me perfect. I got beat upside the head countless times as a kid for not doing anything right. I get it. I never felt good enough because those family members and friends did not feel good enough either. Love yourself.
It is possible. I did it. It took what seems a lifetime but I did go through the process to determine my own worth and my own value in the midst of others not loving me. Whether you start young or old – learn to love yourself. One day at a time – love yourself.
Take yourself on a journey. Take yourself by the hand and woo yourself into true unconditional LOVE FOR YOU.
I see Life is inevitable and then there is life again.
Well, so I feel like I am experiencing what my mom experienced when she was dying at my age (57). I don’t like it nor want it but am not sure how to proceed other than to write it out.
I had dental surgery a few weeks ago and my body is still reeling – from the impact of an infection (still making its way out of my body) from the impact of the sedation (still making its way out of my body) and the dehydration I had already experienced before the tooth was ever removed.
Since January or so, my esophageal sphincter has been stuck open (I am retraining it to be closed through a chiropractic help). The gastroenterologist was of no help as they only offered a pharmaceutical to soothe the acidic reaction. But the sphincter is getting triggered by either food, emotions or something ..unsure… event? Frequency?? Do not know. Did this happen to my mom? How did she pass through this season of her life?
My body is lower than the low acidic levels and so I’m working on monolithic eating with high alkaline causing foods. It is slow. It is a choosing with intention what I put into my mouth and a choosing with intention to eat it until it is mush in my mouth. I need the nutrients.
I remember Mom losing weight. I remember our last Christmas. I remember her weighing 118 pounds and I am at about 128 pounds right now. I have lost from 148 til now since about December/January… this is 2020 now…. Was that what happened to her?
My body is hungry. Was she hungry?
Was she unable to eat?
Did she feel misunderstood? Unnoticed?Uncared for? Alone?
I remember my dad leaving her at home alone as he went out on a date with a friend’s mom. I found it disgusting then. I did not understand his unkindness.
Now I see his selfishness.
And I see how out of control he felt at not being able to stop what was happening to his wife of 36 years. Now, I have compassion at him feeling powerless. I see.
I also remember him swearing to stop smoking when she was diagnosed which did not last long – he still smoked in her face.
I found that disgusting too. Now, I see his nervousness and how incapable he felt to care of his wife. He was a man’s man from surviving Pearl Harbor and other wars to living through raising 4 daughters … but this caring for his wife? This was different. This was painful. This was deep and this was where the rubber met the road. I see.
That was 1981.
It is 2020.
Is this cellular memory for me? A twisted cellular frequency? If so, what triggered it? Why are these strange and odd incidents happening? I have no idea.
Is God revealing all of this to me?
Unsure. But it is revelatory.
I am fighting to trust and believe this is not my time to die. It feels silly to even be thinking it yet that is what is on the tip of my lips. Wow. It is an intensity I have never known.
Was she wanting to live? Choose life.
I remember asking why she was going to do chemotherapy and radiation.
Her response? It is my chance to live. She chose life. I see.
She wanted to see me grow up, get married – she wanted to live her days to see grandchildren – which there was only one and I’m thankful to know that niece today though her mom/my sister has passed away into the next realm. She wanted to see all her daughters succeed and she wanted to be part of our lives. She loved us. She was special. She was my best friend. She wanted life.
I have other issues I dare not share right now. So, I’m relearning how to live it seems. I’m learning how to eat it feels like for the first time. I see.
Bone broth is my friend.
So are green beans, asparagus and water. I love water. I love life.
I’m on a journey and you are too so don’t give up on me and I won’t give up on you.
I’ll be updating soon on food, restoration and life – life – life.
Until soon friend with an update and much love with life I see – Donna Reiners
Good Grief Charlie Brown! Tonight, we watched an oldie and what I used to think was a goodie – Race for your Life with Charlie Brown. I never noticed how entirely critical and mean those kids were to Charlie Brown. Peppermint Patty yelled at him numerous times. Lucy called him names. Sally complained every moment of the movie. There was another group of kids who created havoc for all of them. In addition, these kids were on an overnight camping trip with water falls, dangerous caves, and the like. Granted we rarely see adults in these shows but this time it felt ridiculous. Craig pointed this out to me multiple times. It literally was a frequency my body rejected. Grief is not good Charlie Brown..
It hurt my heart the more I watched it. Bullying, complaining, gossiping, unkind words, mean spirited kids and it was literally from the beginning to the very end. It reminded me of how I grew up. The time was 1977 and I grew up with that kind of culture. It was like the norm and it seemed acceptable. But, grief is NOT good.
Grieving yourself or others with unkind words, complaints, thoughts and innuendos that make it impossible to believe in yourself is not good. I was 14 years old and I was not treated nicely at school or otherwise. All it did was produce rejection, low self esteem and a fear of love. This picture is of my sister Sandy and me. We were from a very dysfunctional family who did not show love toward one another. We do now but we did not then and the influence of shows like this one is evident in how we treated one another.
Maybe it does matter what we watch with our eyes just like it matters what food we put into our mouth and it matters what we listen to with our ears.
Usually, I love the Charlie Brown movies because they are clean and have a good premise and you laugh. But, I did not laugh much this time. I’m a different person than I was in 1977 and I do not want to return to the person who felt it was okay to be ruthless and retaliatory. I want to allow the influence of Love to have its way and do its work in my heart and in my body. Grief is not good.
I pray today you will take notice of your words and thoughts toward yourself and others. Love is the way. Grief is not good. Love, d