Process

We process from a different space. We process our pain from a different Place – the Person of Christ processes our hurt and pain with us – not outside of us. ***Get with Him. Get with Them. Get with the Source of our Strength – our Life – our Love – our Eternity – our Foreverness – get with THOSE WITHIN you and me and then LOVE those around us with power and strength and compassion and life and understanding. Process

THIS is our inheritance – we have confident expectation through living and dying that we live…and then we live again. Oh how this Reality is more real today. Will we settle in the pain? Process.

Oh, it will feel almost like you are betraying yourself or the one you want to honor but is it? Have we trained ourselves to grieve as the Law allowed? Have we trained our emotions to believe we must not only embrace sadness and depression but then remain there to honor the one who has gone from us or to honor those remaining? Emotions are strong. They want to keep us immature and in the will of the flesh and the will of the law of condemnation and sin. But is this our inheritance?

Pondering our loss today of our beloved brother and friend who lived to speak the Truth and to mature us in our races of Love and Being. I’m forever thankful for his life here with us and hope to encounter his life amongst us as I process.

Process with #DarrinBegley

#share the #Love

Coloring outside the lines

The only way to truly grow in your purpose is to begin coloring outside the lines.

Explore.

Discover.

Lean into a different space and trust.

It is a journey not a destination.

We forget because we want perfection.

We want others to think well of us.

We want our coloring book page on the refrigerator.

We want “them” to be proud.

So, we aim to please instead of aim to hear and have relationship.

We run from Truth and run to Information.

We are safer inside the lines where we are unnoticed and compliant when there is an adventure awaiting us both… out there… when coloring outside the lines.

Bless you friend,

D

It’s a choice

How do you personally get free from judgments if you always remind yourself and others of wronging or being wronged? It’s a choice.

Jesus wiped away all the wrong and being wronged. He chose.

Are we going to wipe away the memory of what He did on behalf of humanity? What happened to Him was atrocious.

So, His intention was forgiveness for all mankind.

Are we going to continue to hold unforgiveness for any and all mankind? Or receive what He did for all mankind’s wrongs including yours, mine and those who wronged our bloodlines? Choice.

If I continued to remind my family of their abuse (for the purpose to make sure they never do anything wrong to me again) how do you think that would go? They would feel condemned. Also, how would they ever forgive themselves? Had I held their wrongs against them…it would have held those same wrongs against myself. Choice.

I am not about to remove my family from my presence because they remind of how I was abused?

If I’m reminded of how I was abused, it is because I am still clinging to my wounds and I am unhealed in my heart.

What if I beat the hell out of my sisters for beating the hell out of me?

What if I hated their guts and wanted nothing to do with them because of how they treated me when I was a kid? Seriously. Think of the process of hatred and how it rules and reigns in the thought life…

It bears no good fruit whatsoever… it just causes more hate. Choice.

Just thinking aloud.

 

Remember

Thinking today into the deep about some specific memories – they stopped me and I cried and I remember…
When my mom died, I made the arrangements. She had died in the hospital holding my sister’s hand. I came later with another sister. They were intensely worried about me and how I would take her death. It was a horrific season that ultimately changed all our lives. I remember.
I gathered up her clothes. My pain was hidden as I masked the emptiness through my “maturity”. I remember the funeral home was filled with people who did not know her – never met her – but they knew my dad. They came to honor her because they knew him. I remember.
We took the trek to Houston where we buried her and honestly, I did not return for many many years to that place … I knew she was not really there and I just did not want to remember.

Then, my dad died years later and the service was held in a small space at the Veterans Memorial. There was a man who played guitar who at the time was my sister and her husband’s friend. There was a salute with guns because of my dad’s service in the military – he was at Pearl Harbor. I still have some of his logs from seeing men burn on different levels of the ship. By the time he passed he was living in my sister’s home where he faced his fears of the unknown and ultimately – fearlessly went into the Unknown filled with Love and Peace. I remember.

For some reason today I was struck with how our lives influence one another and how one life matters. My mom was my best friend. I still miss her to this day. She would be proud of her girls including our niece who she loved with a fierce compassion. She would want to hug her right now. Mom would want to talk with her and want to soothe her heart. Mom valued. She mattered. Dad was strong and seeking and wanting to be forgiven and wanted to know Truth and he found it and it was beautiful. He mattered and he knew he mattered when it was all said and done.
Maybe you don’t think you matter. Believe me – you are significant and your life matters – your thoughts matter – your prayers matter – your presence matters and when you are not present – it matters. God knows. He remembers.

My mom was a recluse and knew few. My dad was a recluse in his latter days and though back in a day he knew many – he died alone with one holding his hand and lovingly speaking to him as if he mattered because he did matter. His presence mattered. I remember both seasons of my life.

This is deep stuff my friend. What is my point you wonder? I’m rambling you think? No. I rarely if ever ramble. I just see a lot at one time and it takes a while to communicate …

The Bible talks about seasons of life. There is a preparation that takes place for every season and though we may feel unable – we can face it with Them inside us as we remember who we are and Who we came from … that may seem like a myth or a bunch of hooey to you – I don’t know… honestly it used to feel like that to me. I get it. I remember.

It is a deep shift to see how we live forever and how we have always been and how we will always be and how Love makes the difference in HOW we live and how we pass into a new life. Whew what a long sentence as I “ramble”. Some do not realize significance until that movement into the heavens. That is okay. God knows. No regrets. God remembers.

My mom and dad were strong influencers who never really got to live out their potential on this planet. Maybe that is one of the reasons my sisters and I have wanted to live all in and passionately moving forward into more of Him. We know they still live. We know Life is real. We realize they still live in another place. I have had to shift to see it and to realize it and to remember.

May you embrace the shift available to us all…. may I continue to face what I fearfully hold … may we receive this Love that holds us all and may we ultimately believe the Greatest Story ever Told.
Until soon and much love as you and I remember …
d

I See

I see Life is inevitable and then there is life again.

Well, so I feel like I am experiencing what my mom experienced when she was dying at my age (57). I don’t like it nor want it but am not sure how to proceed other than to write it out.

I had dental surgery a few weeks ago and my body is still reeling – from the impact of an infection (still making its way out of my body)
from the impact of the sedation (still making its way out of my body) and the dehydration I had already experienced before the tooth was ever removed.

Since January or so, my esophageal sphincter has been stuck open (I am retraining it to be closed through a chiropractic help). The gastroenterologist was of no help as they only offered a pharmaceutical to soothe the acidic reaction. But the sphincter is getting triggered by either food, emotions or something ..unsure… event? Frequency?? Do not know. Did this happen to my mom? How did she pass through this season of her life?

My body is lower than the low acidic levels and so I’m working on monolithic eating with high alkaline causing foods. It is slow. It is a choosing with intention what I put into my mouth and a choosing with intention to eat it until it is mush in my mouth. I need the nutrients.

I remember Mom losing weight. I remember our last Christmas. I remember her weighing 118 pounds and I am at about 128 pounds right now. I have lost from 148 til now since about December/January… this is 2020 now…. Was that what happened to her?

My body is hungry. Was she hungry?

Was she unable to eat?

Did she feel misunderstood? Unnoticed?Uncared for? Alone?

I remember my dad leaving her at home alone as he went out on a date with a friend’s mom. I found it disgusting then. I did not understand his unkindness.

Now I see his selfishness.

And I see how out of control he felt at not being able to stop what was happening to his wife of 36 years. Now, I have compassion at him feeling powerless. I see.

I also remember him swearing to stop smoking when she was diagnosed which did not last long – he still smoked in her face.

I found that disgusting too. Now, I see his nervousness and how incapable he felt to care of his wife. He was a man’s man from surviving Pearl Harbor and other wars to living through raising 4 daughters … but this caring for his wife? This was different. This was painful. This was deep and this was where the rubber met the road. I see.

That was 1981.

It is 2020.

39 years.

Is this cellular memory for me? A twisted cellular frequency? If so, what triggered it? Why are these strange and odd incidents happening? I have no idea.

Is God revealing all of this to me?

Unsure. But it is revelatory.

I am fighting to trust and believe this is not my time to die. It feels silly to even be thinking it yet that is what is on the tip of my lips. Wow. It is an intensity I have never known.

Was she wanting to live? Choose life.

I remember asking why she was going to do chemotherapy and radiation.

Her response? It is my chance to live. She chose life. I see.

She wanted to see me grow up, get married – she wanted to live her days to see grandchildren – which there was only one and I’m thankful to know that niece today though her mom/my sister has passed away into the next realm. She wanted to see all her daughters succeed and she wanted to be part of our lives. She loved us. She was special. She was my best friend. She wanted life.

I have other issues I dare not share right now. So, I’m relearning how to live it seems. I’m learning how to eat it feels like for the first time. I see.

Bone broth is my friend.

So are green beans, asparagus and water. I love water. I love life.

I’m on a journey and you are too so don’t give up on me and I won’t give up on you.

I’ll be updating soon on food, restoration and life – life – life.

Until soon friend with an update and much love with life I see – Donna Reiners

Joy Comes in the Morning with Sandy Lee Nelson

Guest Writer – Sandy Lee Nelson – GRIEF is NOT an emotion that only comes from death. Social Media is flooded with posts about how one can never know or comprehend grief until you lose a child, or until a child loses a parent, or until you lose a husband or a wife, or an entire family. Those who say, think and believe this are incorrect.

Grief does not ALWAYS come from death. Joy comes in the morning.

Grief KNOWS me. For many, many years my grief was buried deep, deep inside of me and it would visit me and devour me like a Brown Recluse Spider bite devours your skin. It was a deep dark secret that I kept on the inside. It robbed me of my childhood, my teenage years and a good portion of my adult life. It not only robbed me but it robbed my family as well. I KNOW grief.

The grief I am speaking of was passed down generationally thru our family’s bloodline. I did not choose it. It was chosen for me. I came into agreement with it and entered into it when I was conceived. It was with me on the day of my birth. It became part of what I thought was my identity. Yet, joy comes in the morning.

My 65th birthday is approaching and I have spent some of this pandemic time reflecting on where I have been, where I am now and where I am going.

I am so blessed that somewhere along my life’s journey I was awakened to the presence of my creator. I have a loving Abba Father who is in the restoration business. Even though I couldn’t feel it. Even though I couldn’t see it. He was constantly working on me. He was continually reaching inside to the deepest, darkest depth of my soul and revealing this grief to me. He walked me thru the process of self examination. He showed me my selfish, self righteous self. He gave me time to see it, admit it, repent of it. He watched me lay it down. He made sure that I didn’t leave any bitter roots behind. He restored that place with His Joy and I learned joy comes in the morning..

Oh…my carnal brain can and still does go back there sometimes, but He is always faithful to remind me that WHO I am now is not WHO I was then.

Yes. Joy still comes in the morning! Hope still walks with the hurting. I am alive and breathing and I Praise The Lord!

Thank you Sandy Lee Nelson for your contribution.

Feeling Deep

Feeling deep thoughts for the deep thinkers in grief or pain.

The pain was so deep I could not touch it yet so close I could not get around it.
Pieces of pain like glass splintered under the feet. Not sure how to move without cutting themselves.
The Pain of the feeling the deep kind.
The pain that calls, pulls and consumes. The pain of finality.
The pain of no more.
The pain of standing on the rock in strength…while you wait for joy.
My compassion meter is strong but my rescue meter competes.
It’s difficult to watch a loved one writhe in emotional pain. I want to take them in my arms until it subsides.
I want to break through the boundaries they put in place to protect themselves. I want to help them move forward.
Removing the memory connection will alleviate the instability that fearfully haunts and paralyzes them.
Removing the raw real trauma frequencies that came into their body will help restore health, wellness of mind and stability of heart.

It doesn’t change what happened to them but it does give them clarity to make new decisions from peace not pieces.
Don’t give up – you are close to the new you. You’re standing. You’re climbing.
You’re stronger than you know. You’re one of a kind. You’re safe to feel. Safe to heal. Safe to grow.
You have permission to feel your deep pain. You have permission to live again.
If you’re not safe to feel alone, get with someone who can let you express your heart.
One day you’ll see your strength. Receive truth and life. Love in the pain.
Life through the tears. Union in the brokenness. New start with a fresh breath.

In the mean time, you get to say goodbye to those old patterns, old ways of thinking, old ways of living, old ways of rejecting the ones near you or rejecting yourself. You get to face your past and move past it – it is most definitely time.

One day you’ll feel joy. One day you’ll see intention and one day it will make sense.
One day the strong strength of the rock will be infused into the memories.
One day you’ll feel the sun again through the deep thinking. Feeling deep.

I love you- d

Prayerful thoughts

What if our thoughts are prayers?

What if it matters what we think to The One Who answers prayer?

What if renewing our mind works hand in hand, complimenting our prayer life?

“Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” ~ 1st Thes 5:16-18 love-d #prayer

Too much Hope?

When someone offers you what feels like “too much hope” through an unorthodox way whether it be mental, physical or emotional and you say no based on something that happened in the past to you or to someone else…….. I just want to remind you that you might just miss your opportunity to have a positive change to your life.

What if your no to this “weird too much hope” can’t explain or understand it thing is your no to you speaking, talking, hearing or walking?

Let your tomorrow be different than your past.

And if you are afraid to hope too much because of being disappointed in the past …all I can tell you is that I would prefer to step out and be disappointed than stay stuck in hopelessness which says NO to anything positive. What about you?

I know…. this may not make sense to all of you but some of you get it.

Stop being afraid of your own shadow.

Stop being afraid of the impossibilities.

Start saying hello to the possibilities.

Start saying hello to even ONE LITTLE STEP FORWARD!!

Hope again!

I almost refused to share with someone today something that I know has the capability to change her life and the lives of those around her. Almost.

Then, I felt that nudge inside….. “Why are you afraid to bring hope?” We met with a family and literally changed their lives in a positive way. It was NOT false hope. It was not healing either…but it was definitely improvement. Thank You God!

I remember years ago I was in a situation with a church staff/pastor where our belief systems collided. They called to ask me questions about whether I believed that God healed today. I had been hanging out with some of the women in his church and he was “concerned”. As we explored our conversation, it was as if I had a rope around my neck and I would not get out alive. You see, I did not graduate a seminary (or cemetery) is what my pastor 25 years ago said it was called. Anyhow, my point is that I was fairly new in leaning strongly into believing God healed instead of thinking He did not. After a very long conversation, the bottom line was that he had been hurt years ago – his church he felt had been hurt years ago from what he believed to be “false prophetic words” regarding healing and atonement and all that went in between. His point however was that all those comments and prophecies did was give false hope because that person died. They were devastated and he insinuated that his church was devastated and that it created basically a bad name for God and so he did not want me to influence his church with a belief system that included atonement. I was stuck.

How do I honor this pastor and his belief system and honor God and His belief system and help the women continue to move forward into more life in Christ and let them have their OWN belief system? I was not ruled by fear and the ladies did not want to be ruled by fear either. After all, God IS LOVE – He does not “just love”… I had to choose. I was not scared which honestly was miraculous at the time because I had such a strong submission to authority and wanted more than anything to please pastors or anyone in any kind of leadership and authority… But there was a VOICE…….inside me.

THE Voice – THAT Voice INSIDE me.

I KNEW that voice… I did not know all the information that pastor knew and I did not know how to lead a church but I knew inside me that I was safe to believe and Hope in the One Who healed and believe in healing. This was HIS leading from the inside of me.

Was this pastor lead by the same voice? I believe so but we all hear through our own filters. Maybe there were places inside me that were developed differently than the places in His heart inside him. He was mature and I was mature but in different areas. Now, many years later I’m mature in other areas and have changed. I have great respect for his heart for his congregation and his desire to protect them. On the other hand, I realize I must follow that voice…as I learn and grow I would prefer it to be in hearing Him not just hearing information and following doctrines of safety.

I had seen some healed. I had been healed of some conditions supernatural. Years later, I have experienced more of the same – healed and not healed. Yet, is this because our God of Hope is inconsistent? Is this because God is not a Healer? If I’m not healed, is God the bad guy?

These are thoughts that we all have from time to time right? When you are growing in what you know about Creator…you ask questions and when you are growing in Who Creator is or what you think He is…you ask questions and when you actually converse with Him and get to know Him and you feel He is getting to know you…and you think HEY is God a Person Who hears me and knows me and is real and HE KNOWS ME????? WOW. Everything changes. Share with friends.

Love- Donna Reiners

You are alive

I was born two months early at 5 pounds. I stayed in an incubator for two months waiting the time for me to be strong enough to go home and be with my mom.

I got to be hooked up to all sorts of life support almost 57 years ago. Tubes crawled in and out of lots of areas in my body while my body finished developing at Fort Campbell Kentucky Army Base hospital.

For the first two months of my life outside the womb, the nurses and doctors were my parents. They made all my decisions, cleaned me and fed me and monitored me to make sure I would not die. Back then, your mom wasn’t at the hospital very day to check on you and it was not possible to hold me… Affection was later.

This is what I know: I would not be writing this nor you reading this had someone snipped my neck or decided I was not worthy to live…or been so convinced I was just a ‘fetus’ and separated themselves from me being a human being…

If you are reading this then high chance your neck wasn’t snipped either.

You are alive my friend… a special treasure and you have something to be thankful about…

Share this my friend.