I hate dribble.
I’m not good at small talk.
You can be in my house with the lights on and wonder if I’m even home.
I’m also the friend who shares deep within five minutes of meeting you and you will either run the hell away from me or decide I’m the friend you have always wanted and stick around.
I experience most of the first option.
That’s okay. Authenticity is not common. I’m not common.
My friends are few.
I’m not popular.
I used to be super religious in my stance giving God no chance other than to do life my way.
Also, I made the mistake early on in my walk with God to give my life to building up the church and upholding what the pastor taught and again giving no leeway for God to live outside the church cause you know… God isn’t interested in you unless you’re a Christian.
Wow. I was clueless and limited my belief to my own wisdom instead of His.
I have changed.
My circle is small but my God is big and though God can dribble with the best of them …I still cannot..
Maybe you can do small talk and nobody knows your pain cause you keep that happy fake smile on your face …
So, though i hate dribble – I don’t hate you and I don’t want you to hate you either. So, how about this? You choose to NOT give up on you… cause I’m not gonna stop believing in you … ever.
Deep stuff. I know a woman whose mind is not quite there. Somehow, someway though … she can worry. She can grab a hold of one subject and she can think about it and think about it and think about it until she can’t think about nothing else. Obsessing.
In this manner, she feels important. Why? It literally gives her something to do with her time other than read and watch TV. She’s an older person who doesn’t have anything to do. She used to be vibrant and participated in society and she used to feel meaningful and significant. Now she only feels old and decrepit. The other day she said she missed feeling productive. She missed feeling as if she mattered. Deep stuff.
It dawned on me that the reason she worries is because it gives her something that she feels is important to do. She misses accomplishing something that someone else praises her in or someone else needs done so that they can finish what they are doing… She misses working…fulfilling goals and wins. She worries about her family. She worries about America. She worries about money. The other day she was fixated on finding a book. She did not want to read these books out of order. It is a trilogy. She had already read number one but did not want to skip to number three. She wanted to read number two next. Because of her memory issues, you might want her to just read three and find two later – what does it really matter? Deep stuff.
But it matters to her. It’s her grasping onto a little bit of order- a sequence – similar to a child learning the numbering or lettering system – she’s remembering order. You teach a child one, two, three – not one, four, seven. She is enough with it in her mind sometimes that she remembers order and she remembers pieces of things that really do matter… At least to her. in that moment … Admittedly that ship may sail soon but right that second she felt “normal” and like she is accomplishing something that “matters”. Deep stuff.
I was thinking about children and how they feel safe when they know what is next…when they have order. They learn the “how to” set goals, accomplish vision, eat their vegetables, brush their teeth, sleep habit, reading habits – disciplines…early in life… setting the stage for how they grow and think.
Similarly, older ones who lived vibrant productive lives that have health issues sometimes find themselves doing nothing but watching tv, eating and reading. Their minds lose the ability of setting goals, accomplishing vision. They lose that part of themselves where found identity and usefulness. Deep stuff.
What is my point? Pay attention.
Pay attention to that person in front of you that seemingly has nothing to do. Because they might be doing something with your mind to help you see something through. Now I realize that worry is worship in a reversed kind of way. But I just wonder if God‘s graciousness and kindness sees it as prayer in his day. Again, deep stuff.
We can’t heal her mind though we would like to. We can only love her – We can’t change what has occurred. Loving that person who seems to have lost their way might be the most productive thing you do today.
So, I was pondering these things today about society as a whole…thinking of another friend who is in a similar way. Sitting. Waiting. Nothing to do. Nobody to talk to. Watching life pass her by. Grabbing hold of anything that makes her feel alive.
Growing older is not for wimps. But … Older people are just younger people with wrinkles.
In this Covid crisis aftermath, remember those who were locked away. Maybe that was you or me. Maybe you are still working out your life in isolation. Maybe nobody reaches into you because they are busy accomplishing their own life…
Inside – deep inside – listen close to Who resides. They can lead you with Grace to love that space. Deep Stuff.
It’s been a season among seasons but are we changing or clinging?
Learning to trust Them with our situations. Hearing Their voice. Doing our part in practical ways.
Serious situations arise where we have a need for someone else’s expertise. So, we go to the doctor for perspective and listen for His voice. We sell treasures for bills as we listen for His voice. We choose pathways of life as we listen and respond. We jump with trust and then we realize we may have jumped too soon or too far. We don’t jump at all and miss the ship that was sailing. Or did we? Are we changing or clinging?
We stand in the street and wonder if we will survive what we must face. In the midst of letting go of what once held such great value, we realize our own worth has shifted. We have less treasury but have more treasure. What we loved twenty years ago has emotional ties but no longer is the heartbeat of my daily life.
Yet, we keep holding on to that way of eating or that material object or that attitude to reinforce our fear of tomorrow… or to avoid facing our private pain … or to sabotage from self hate. Oh it’s subtle. But it’s delay into a new you. Is is because we are changing or clinging?
We realize how fortunate we are to share space with the person we sleep near and we hear His voice of Love. Our assignments can seem foreboding yet can we climb those thorns and find the comfort inside the sweet smelling rose? Can we truly unconditionally love that one near us? Can we love ourselves?
Are we changing? Or are we clinging to what used to be the road we walked?
It could be – after the dust has settled – we will find that what we thought was impossible to say goodbye to is the actual entry through a new door. It might be that the lessons we learn as we change will be beautiful and our hearts will be more tender and our love will flow more purely…as we say goodbye to the past and hello to the present. Oh that we will be changing not clinging.
This is a reprint from earlier this year. Love- Donna
Have you ever NOT wanted to open your door, check your mail or go outside when the sun’s up?
Maybe your personal insides just want to stay in the dark and relish the pain you feel?
HEY! That’s not good for you and I’m here to take you from choosing dark to life.
Now, you know that even if it is a gray gloomy day outside that there is a sun shining up in that sky right?
It is time to take authority over your own atmosphere my friend.
Imagine if you will a full on sun that is shining inside through your walls and into your hall and piercing into your roof. Embrace it. Let it pierce into your soul.
Decide now, the Sun’s up and you can be up too.
Don’t give up my friend.
Don’t turn to the left or right looking for it all to end.
Instead, let the warmth of the sun call you into life.
Let the reality of your darkness bring forth the light.
The Sun’s up – grab hold – take a deep breath.
Breathe in and out and then do it again.
I love you – maybe you forgot and think you are alone.
But it is a lie – hear my kind tone.
You are important.
You are alive on purpose.
Be Braver my friend – the Sun’s up and you can be too..
I remember once I was listening to God. I saw myself run into His Person and it was all dark. But, I instantly knew the lights were supposed to be on and I snapped my fingers and yelled LIGHTS ON! Then, the darkness was gone. Lights came on and I was with the Christ and we were one!
Now, why on earth would Father take me through what seems to be a strange pathway to understand the reality of light?
Now, I believe it was the part about running inside of Him that I was supposed to really see. Also, I was supposed to truly capture His authority inside me. Snapping my fingers in that place was not arrogant – it was God showing me that light is who HE already is and it was my own lack of belief that caused me to see dark instead of light.
WHOAH. I got it. Lights on.
I AM light and HE is light and together – the lights are always on regardless of how I see or feel – Lights On is what is real.
My friend, inside each of us we must face the Truth and BE LIGHT in our own storm instead of continually looking for a light to help us through the storm.
But it takes great intention to decide you have the goods to pass through this storm.
BE Light. Be there for yourself.
Not good enough?
Feeling left out?
You are not a victim.
You are victorious.
Whatever your obstacle is, you can be your own light.
It might feel dark and you might feel incapable but go look yourself in your own eyes…into your own heart and own pool of swirling emotions.
Look past your hurt.
Look past your pain.
You HAVE to CHOOSE to see through what you feel into what is truth. These are different. One captures you and takes you into use and abuse you. But, Truth. Truth is different. Truth wraps arms around you and tells you not to the swirl and no to the confusion.
Truth is a Person and that Person says look into your eyes one more time – look past the swirl and look into the eyes of Truth staring back at you from your own eyes.
You are not alone. You WILL pass through this. Allow yourself to rise up into this new place of life and let Light be your Truth.
Be LIGHT in your own storm and love yourself as you do it.
I’m not you. You are not me. We are different on purpose. There is a Process. The way we live, move and have our being will look different. We are not made from a cookie cutter. How we hear and how we see and how we approach life and we live it will be different.
The process of relationship with Him, self and one another. I’m pondering our differences as a human race as I think about how He lives among us too. Setting my mind on things that are above and not on things that are on earth is a process for me personally. Learning to listen. Inclining my ear to hear His thoughts and ideas about Himself, others, myself and life. Different.
It’s been a lifelong process of relationship – leaning His way and then stopping to find Him leaning my way. I’m thankful for every moment He has granted me the honor of living, loving, being loved. It’s a journey into Him and into His continual mercy, forgiveness & grace. The journey includes the mistakes not just the successes. I love the way Paul talked about counting it all as loss just to know Him. He knew the journey. We are in union with the One Who does not condemn our wrong turns. Instead He draws us further into His definition of Love. He also doesn’t put so much emphasis on our right turns either because it’s not about the right or wrong when it is about relationship. Prices Different.
Righteous is different many times than right. Deep inside my bones, it seems our emphasis is misguided. Love is the focus but what does that look like? I read a lot about Love. Yet, how we experience Love is a different matter. Experiencing the embrace He offers takes courage because His Love is unconditional and has no secret strings attached; it has no hidden agenda. HE already knows. Everything. Nothing is hidden from Him. Listening to Him. Listening to one another. Listening to what is said as well as what is not said. I remember listening to what my sister Mary Ann did not say. It held weight. It held depth. Loving to love. Being Loved. It’s an exchanged life. Just being. Loving. Being loved. Letting Him steer you personally as His hands, His feet and His heart in service in our private world as well as on the earth. Different.
Every person offers something different from Him and through Him while representing Him. I’m soooo thankful to Him for how He thinks outside the box to live as Love through us in our time here on the earth. What an interesting life. Sometimes I’m standing at a crossing wondering how to proceed. It’s a journey with Him. Sometimes I’m standing with a friend at their crossing while they wonder how to proceed. It’s not just you and not just me. It’s also with one another. It’s a journey into Him. It’s also a journey into one another. Process different.
Being Loved by Him and Loving one another. I’m in awe of His miraculous kindness. To let us learn how to be while He leads us into becoming. Be patient with yourself. Be patient with Him. Be patient with others. Loving as well as being Loved is a process. Learning how to love and learning how to be loved is a process. It takes time. That’s ok. Working through the process IS part of the journey. The revelation of His complete unconditional love for us IS part of the journey. The revelation of His complete unconditional Love for one another through us is also part of the journey. Private. Public. Different.
It’s living in Him, with Him, through Him and as Him…what a journey. What a process as we are different.Love-d
We process from a different space. We process our pain from a different Place – the Person of Christ processes our hurt and pain with us – not outside of us. ***Get with Him. Get with Them. Get with the Source of our Strength – our Life – our Love – our Eternity – our Foreverness – get with THOSE WITHIN you and me and then LOVE those around us with power and strength and compassion and life and understanding. Process
THIS is our inheritance – we have confident expectation through living and dying that we live…and then we live again. Oh how this Reality is more real today. Will we settle in the pain? Process.
Oh, it will feel almost like you are betraying yourself or the one you want to honor but is it? Have we trained ourselves to grieve as the Law allowed? Have we trained our emotions to believe we must not only embrace sadness and depression but then remain there to honor the one who has gone from us or to honor those remaining? Emotions are strong. They want to keep us immature and in the will of the flesh and the will of the law of condemnation and sin. But is this our inheritance?
Pondering our loss today of our beloved brother and friend who lived to speak the Truth and to mature us in our races of Love and Being. I’m forever thankful for his life here with us and hope to encounter his life amongst us as I process.
But what do you say? Are you willing to take one more step though you feel as if you do not have it in you?
I’m here to encourage you and tell you that yes you have it in you.
Though you may have dreams that seem to be on the back burner – rest assured – you are not on the back burner.
This is not false hope.
This is not false encouragement. You can move forward.
If you do not have energy to take a true step then mentally take a new step toward life and living.
Expect Life to meet you and expect love to greet you and expect yourself to keep going.
I know what it feels like and that one saying – I’ll keep going – has kept me in days when I felt it was not possible.
So, say it with me, “I’ll keep going.”
Until soon and much love – d