Suddenly Love Again

Suddenly love again. A precious woman is faced with her husband’s life here on planet earth ending way too soon. Suddenly.

Life changes. Life ends. People divide. Anguish separates. Love my friends.

It’s intense. It’s mind boggling. Love is the only offering we have for one another. When you don’t understand. Love Again.

When you are misunderstood. Love.
When you hear rumors. Believe the more excellent way. Keep short accounts.

When you seemingly can’t forgive. Love. When others won’t forgive you. Love.

Do not mistake your personal distrust as your discernment. Listen not to a gossiper. Just love. Unconditionally. Then, love again.

No, it will not always end up ok. They may drop your friendship with zero explanation. You may be a train wreck. It might be messy. Just owe nothing than love.
Then LOVE. Love you. Love them. Love again.

At times convoluted and painful? You bet! Love anyway? Yes. It is His way when you feel unable to trust yourself or them.
Live with that Love instead of your own. Love Again.
Love-d

Being Real

What a day and being real. I definitely understand why people drink. Torment causes emotional distress. You know what else causes emotions to rise above the water level? Hormones.

I wonder if King David had hormone issues. That man had some strong ups and downs. If you did not know better you would think he wasn’t “saved.” Not unlike me or maybe even you?

Or are you the quiet one who keeps your emotions so silent that nobody would ever guess you are sad, distraught, depressed or just ticked off? Ya keep that smile in tact? Ya keep those positive messages rolling hoping they will touch your own nerve maybe?

Thankfully it’s not a blow up on you thing. Wait. I take that back. I did that the other day. Poor husband. Mercy on him. Mercy on me. And to the doctors we go my friend. Did I mention hormones?

Curiously I was the one in my forties who thought a simple change of mind, some positive oooohs and ahhhhs and a prayer or two would be the kiss that made all those booo boooos all better. Humbly I submit my heart to you if we have known one another the past 30 years … if I did that to you – my deepest repentant apologies.

Poor King David. He had some definite emotional issues. Paranoia. Fear. Run away. Shut down. Depression. Despair. … hey Davie I feel ya! Being Real.

Thankfully he was forgiven and so am I AND it’s not Fathers heart I sink in oblivion into nothingness and let life pass me by. I’m getting help. Yep. A doctor. #Medical. Ouch. But sometimes you have to do what you have to do …😍😍♥️♥️

A couple months ago God spoke to me through an encounter in my dream life. A friend was with me and she was talking about … can you guess?? Her hormone doctor … funny how Father tells us in Philippians 4 to not be torn in multiple directions but to focus and The answers will be made known to us through Christ Jesus … it doesn’t say over night … it gives no time frame friend. It’s a trust pathway … into the unknown to find the known …
Until soon friend. If you are privately feeling condemned because you feel clueless and can’t get breakthrough on some basic mental health issues … maybe you should think outside the box and get a holistic option … a medical evaluation … a homeopathic angle … or something in between … and in the mean time? … don’t be mean to yourself if you snap, rattle or roll but instead … lean in to hear solution before the stress takes it’s toll … Being Real.
Love-d

Deep Stuff

Deep stuff. I know a woman whose mind is not quite there. Somehow, someway though … she can worry. She can grab a hold of one subject and she can think about it and think about it and think about it until she can’t think about nothing else. Obsessing.

In this manner, she feels important. Why? It literally gives her something to do with her time other than read and watch TV. She’s an older person who doesn’t have anything to do. She used to be vibrant and participated in society and she used to feel meaningful and significant. Now she only feels old and decrepit. The other day she said she missed feeling productive. She missed feeling as if she mattered. Deep stuff.

It dawned on me that the reason she worries is because it gives her something that she feels is important to do. She misses accomplishing something that someone else praises her in or someone else needs done so that they can finish what they are doing… She misses working…fulfilling goals and wins. She worries about her family. She worries about America. She worries about money. The other day she was fixated on finding a book. She did not want to read these books out of order. It is a trilogy. She had already read number one but did not want to skip to number three. She wanted to read number two next. Because of her memory issues, you might want her to just read three and find two later – what does it really matter? Deep stuff.

But it matters to her. It’s her grasping onto a little bit of order- a sequence – similar to a child learning the numbering or lettering system – she’s remembering order. You teach a child one, two, three – not one, four, seven. She is enough with it in her mind sometimes that she remembers order and she remembers pieces of things that really do matter… At least to her. in that moment … Admittedly that ship may sail soon but right that second she felt “normal” and like she is accomplishing something that “matters”. Deep stuff.

I was thinking about children and how they feel safe when they know what is next…when they have order. They learn the “how to” set goals, accomplish vision, eat their vegetables, brush their teeth, sleep habit, reading habits – disciplines…early in life… setting the stage for how they grow and think.

Similarly, older ones who lived vibrant productive lives that have health issues sometimes find themselves doing nothing but watching tv, eating and reading. Their minds lose the ability of setting goals, accomplishing vision. They lose that part of themselves where found identity and usefulness. Deep stuff.

What is my point? Pay attention.

Pay attention to that person in front of you that seemingly has nothing to do. Because they might be doing something with your mind to help you see something through. Now I realize that worry is worship in a reversed kind of way. But I just wonder if God‘s graciousness and kindness sees it as prayer in his day. Again, deep stuff.

We can’t heal her mind though we would like to. We can only love her – We can’t change what has occurred. Loving that person who seems to have lost their way might be the most productive thing you do today.

So, I was pondering these things today about society as a whole…thinking of another friend who is in a similar way. Sitting. Waiting. Nothing to do. Nobody to talk to. Watching life pass her by. Grabbing hold of anything that makes her feel alive.

Growing older is not for wimps. But … Older people are just younger people with wrinkles.

In this Covid crisis aftermath, remember those who were locked away. Maybe that was you or me. Maybe you are still working out your life in isolation. Maybe nobody reaches into you because they are busy accomplishing their own life…

Inside – deep inside – listen close to Who resides. They can lead you with Grace to love that space. Deep Stuff.

Changing or Clinging?

It’s been a season among seasons but are we changing or clinging?

Learning to trust Them with our situations. Hearing Their voice. Doing our part in practical ways.

Serious situations arise where we have a need for someone else’s expertise. So, we go to the doctor for perspective and listen for His voice. We sell treasures for bills as we listen for His voice. We choose pathways of life as we listen and respond. We jump with trust and then we realize we may have jumped too soon or too far. We don’t jump at all and miss the ship that was sailing. Or did we? Are we changing or clinging?

We stand in the street and wonder if we will survive what we must face. In the midst of letting go of what once held such great value, we realize our own worth has shifted. We have less treasury but have more treasure. What we loved twenty years ago has emotional ties but no longer is the heartbeat of my daily life.

Yet, we keep holding on to that way of eating or that material object or that attitude to reinforce our fear of tomorrow… or to avoid facing our private pain … or to sabotage from self hate. Oh it’s subtle. But it’s delay into a new you. Is is because we are changing or clinging?

We realize how fortunate we are to share space with the person we sleep near and we hear His voice of Love. Our assignments can seem foreboding yet can we climb those thorns and find the comfort inside the sweet smelling rose? Can we truly unconditionally love that one near us? Can we love ourselves?

Are we changing? Or are we clinging to what used to be the road we walked?

It could be – after the dust has settled – we will find that what we thought was impossible to say goodbye to is the actual entry through a new door. It might be that the lessons we learn as we change will be beautiful and our hearts will be more tender and our love will flow more purely…as we say goodbye to the past and hello to the present. Oh that we will be changing not clinging.

This is a reprint from earlier this year. Love- Donna

Inheritance

When we err, Jesus is our forgiveness. When we are erred against, Jesus is our forgiveness.

When we choose not to forgive, we err and place the Law as our owner.

Forgiveness is our inheritance.

Today, let your past and their past go.

Receive today.

Receive now.

Let LOVE be your Owner.

Different

I’m not you. You are not me. We are different on purpose. There is a Process. The way we live, move and have our being will look different. We are not made from a cookie cutter. How we hear and how we see and how we approach life and we live it will be different.

The process of relationship with Him, self and one another. I’m pondering our differences as a human race as I think about how He lives among us too. Setting my mind on things that are above and not on things that are on earth is a process for me personally. Learning to listen. Inclining my ear to hear His thoughts and ideas about Himself, others, myself and life. Different.

It’s been a lifelong process of relationship – leaning His way and then stopping to find Him leaning my way. I’m thankful for every moment He has granted me the honor of living, loving, being loved. It’s a journey into Him and into His continual mercy, forgiveness & grace. The journey includes the mistakes not just the successes. I love the way Paul talked about counting it all as loss just to know Him. He knew the journey. We are in union with the One Who does not condemn our wrong turns. Instead He draws us further into His definition of Love. He also doesn’t put so much emphasis on our right turns either because it’s not about the right or wrong when it is about relationship. Prices Different.

Righteous is different many times than right. Deep inside my bones, it seems our emphasis is misguided. Love is the focus but what does that look like? I read a lot about Love. Yet, how we experience Love is a different matter. Experiencing the embrace He offers takes courage because His Love is unconditional and has no secret strings attached; it has no hidden agenda. HE already knows. Everything. Nothing is hidden from Him. Listening to Him. Listening to one another. Listening to what is said as well as what is not said. I remember listening to what my sister Mary Ann did not say. It held weight. It held depth. Loving to love. Being Loved. It’s an exchanged life. Just being. Loving. Being loved. Letting Him steer you personally as His hands, His feet and His heart in service in our private world as well as on the earth. Different.

Every person offers something different from Him and through Him while representing Him. I’m soooo thankful to Him for how He thinks outside the box to live as Love through us in our time here on the earth. What an interesting life. Sometimes I’m standing at a crossing wondering how to proceed. It’s a journey with Him. Sometimes I’m standing with a friend at their crossing while they wonder how to proceed. It’s not just you and not just me. It’s also with one another. It’s a journey into Him. It’s also a journey into one another. Process different.

Being Loved by Him and Loving one another. I’m in awe of His miraculous kindness. To let us learn how to be while He leads us into becoming. Be patient with yourself. Be patient with Him. Be patient with others. Loving as well as being Loved is a process. Learning how to love and learning how to be loved is a process. It takes time. That’s ok. Working through the process IS part of the journey. The revelation of His complete unconditional love for us IS part of the journey. The revelation of His complete unconditional Love for one another through us is also part of the journey. Private. Public. Different.

It’s living in Him, with Him, through Him and as Him…what a journey. What a process as we are different.Love-d

Process

We process from a different space. We process our pain from a different Place – the Person of Christ processes our hurt and pain with us – not outside of us. ***Get with Him. Get with Them. Get with the Source of our Strength – our Life – our Love – our Eternity – our Foreverness – get with THOSE WITHIN you and me and then LOVE those around us with power and strength and compassion and life and understanding. Process

THIS is our inheritance – we have confident expectation through living and dying that we live…and then we live again. Oh how this Reality is more real today. Will we settle in the pain? Process.

Oh, it will feel almost like you are betraying yourself or the one you want to honor but is it? Have we trained ourselves to grieve as the Law allowed? Have we trained our emotions to believe we must not only embrace sadness and depression but then remain there to honor the one who has gone from us or to honor those remaining? Emotions are strong. They want to keep us immature and in the will of the flesh and the will of the law of condemnation and sin. But is this our inheritance?

Pondering our loss today of our beloved brother and friend who lived to speak the Truth and to mature us in our races of Love and Being. I’m forever thankful for his life here with us and hope to encounter his life amongst us as I process.

Process with #DarrinBegley

#share the #Love

Coloring outside the lines

The only way to truly grow in your purpose is to begin coloring outside the lines.

Explore.

Discover.

Lean into a different space and trust.

It is a journey not a destination.

We forget because we want perfection.

We want others to think well of us.

We want our coloring book page on the refrigerator.

We want “them” to be proud.

So, we aim to please instead of aim to hear and have relationship.

We run from Truth and run to Information.

We are safer inside the lines where we are unnoticed and compliant when there is an adventure awaiting us both… out there… when coloring outside the lines.

Bless you friend,

D

It’s a choice

How do you personally get free from judgments if you always remind yourself and others of wronging or being wronged? It’s a choice.

Jesus wiped away all the wrong and being wronged. He chose.

Are we going to wipe away the memory of what He did on behalf of humanity? What happened to Him was atrocious.

So, His intention was forgiveness for all mankind.

Are we going to continue to hold unforgiveness for any and all mankind? Or receive what He did for all mankind’s wrongs including yours, mine and those who wronged our bloodlines? Choice.

If I continued to remind my family of their abuse (for the purpose to make sure they never do anything wrong to me again) how do you think that would go? They would feel condemned. Also, how would they ever forgive themselves? Had I held their wrongs against them…it would have held those same wrongs against myself. Choice.

I am not about to remove my family from my presence because they remind of how I was abused?

If I’m reminded of how I was abused, it is because I am still clinging to my wounds and I am unhealed in my heart.

What if I beat the hell out of my sisters for beating the hell out of me?

What if I hated their guts and wanted nothing to do with them because of how they treated me when I was a kid? Seriously. Think of the process of hatred and how it rules and reigns in the thought life…

It bears no good fruit whatsoever… it just causes more hate. Choice.

Just thinking aloud.

 

Remember

Thinking today into the deep about some specific memories – they stopped me and I cried and I remember…
When my mom died, I made the arrangements. She had died in the hospital holding my sister’s hand. I came later with another sister. They were intensely worried about me and how I would take her death. It was a horrific season that ultimately changed all our lives. I remember.
I gathered up her clothes. My pain was hidden as I masked the emptiness through my “maturity”. I remember the funeral home was filled with people who did not know her – never met her – but they knew my dad. They came to honor her because they knew him. I remember.
We took the trek to Houston where we buried her and honestly, I did not return for many many years to that place … I knew she was not really there and I just did not want to remember.

Then, my dad died years later and the service was held in a small space at the Veterans Memorial. There was a man who played guitar who at the time was my sister and her husband’s friend. There was a salute with guns because of my dad’s service in the military – he was at Pearl Harbor. I still have some of his logs from seeing men burn on different levels of the ship. By the time he passed he was living in my sister’s home where he faced his fears of the unknown and ultimately – fearlessly went into the Unknown filled with Love and Peace. I remember.

For some reason today I was struck with how our lives influence one another and how one life matters. My mom was my best friend. I still miss her to this day. She would be proud of her girls including our niece who she loved with a fierce compassion. She would want to hug her right now. Mom would want to talk with her and want to soothe her heart. Mom valued. She mattered. Dad was strong and seeking and wanting to be forgiven and wanted to know Truth and he found it and it was beautiful. He mattered and he knew he mattered when it was all said and done.
Maybe you don’t think you matter. Believe me – you are significant and your life matters – your thoughts matter – your prayers matter – your presence matters and when you are not present – it matters. God knows. He remembers.

My mom was a recluse and knew few. My dad was a recluse in his latter days and though back in a day he knew many – he died alone with one holding his hand and lovingly speaking to him as if he mattered because he did matter. His presence mattered. I remember both seasons of my life.

This is deep stuff my friend. What is my point you wonder? I’m rambling you think? No. I rarely if ever ramble. I just see a lot at one time and it takes a while to communicate …

The Bible talks about seasons of life. There is a preparation that takes place for every season and though we may feel unable – we can face it with Them inside us as we remember who we are and Who we came from … that may seem like a myth or a bunch of hooey to you – I don’t know… honestly it used to feel like that to me. I get it. I remember.

It is a deep shift to see how we live forever and how we have always been and how we will always be and how Love makes the difference in HOW we live and how we pass into a new life. Whew what a long sentence as I “ramble”. Some do not realize significance until that movement into the heavens. That is okay. God knows. No regrets. God remembers.

My mom and dad were strong influencers who never really got to live out their potential on this planet. Maybe that is one of the reasons my sisters and I have wanted to live all in and passionately moving forward into more of Him. We know they still live. We know Life is real. We realize they still live in another place. I have had to shift to see it and to realize it and to remember.

May you embrace the shift available to us all…. may I continue to face what I fearfully hold … may we receive this Love that holds us all and may we ultimately believe the Greatest Story ever Told.
Until soon and much love as you and I remember …
d