Recently, we helped a man move who is 80 and slow and has the beginnings of not thinking clearly or remembering very well. He upsets easily and he feels discombobulated most the time. Let me tell you – he is not ready for a nursing home and not nursing home is ready for him. He is still sharp enough to drive you crazy! He complains about everything and is grateful about everything all at one time. We have chosen to love. Love covers. Love is how God dealt with our ugly. So, we love him because we are not better than he is…just younger. Respect is what he wants. Respect is what he needs. We do not know his family…yet. He is a Jewish believer as of mid 2014. So, this whole LOVE thing is culture shock for him, not doubt. I want to encourage you to love yourself and love those around you. Its a new year. Its a new day. You get another chance to love and to change and to #BEBRAVER and learn how to love like Jesus loved us.
Last week, I shared with you a poem I wrote that goes along with this article. You can read it here – Come Out Come Out!. I lived through a season of deep pain and hurting. I sensed the Holy Spirit’s leading and knew He wanted me to give up my hiding place and spend more time with Him and with others. However, I thought for sure that no one could love me if they saw what I looked like on the inside of my heart, and if they ever saw what I really looked like, they weren’t going to like me. I was so afraid of being rejected – it hurt like a knife into my heart. I struggled with the Lord over His desire for me to come outside of my cave to spend time with Him. I was in turmoil with the Lord over His desire for me to come outside of my cave in order to spend time with others. We struggled. We had numerous conversations. Me talking. Him listening. HE wanted me to move outside of my cave. How we fought over this issue of relating to Him and relating to others. We fought and fought and fought, until I knew that I knew that I knew that I really had no choice. I HAD to move onward into Him, or I would be miserable the rest of my life. I knew it deep within I had to come out of my kaleidoscope of fear.
Genesis 32:24-25 And Jacob was left alone, and a Man wrestled with him until daybreak. And when the Man saw that He did not prevail against Jacob, He touched the hollow of his thigh; and Jacob’s thigh was put out of joint as he wrestled with Him. Then, He said, Let me go, for day is breaking. But Jacob said, I will not let You go unless You declare a blessing upon me.
I Didn’t Know How
Inside my heart, I knew God was well able to give me life and to conquer all my fears. I knew that God Himself was the only One Who could help me and change me and teach me how to live this very precious life. I wanted so desperately to feel alive and to live out this gift of living, but I didn’t know how to do it. So, I cried out to God continuously for Him to change me, to not let me go, to do something radical in me, so that I would be different. And He did.
Even after God met with me and began to pour His love over me, I still had to face my belief system. At this point, I simply believed no one would ever love me or even like me. I was asking God if He loved me. I was asking Him if I chose to be naked like Adam and Even in the Garden, would He love me the way He loved them? Would He turn from me because of my sin? Would I run to cover up if He glanced my way? Would I feel ashamed? It is a cry to my Lord to never leave me and to never forsake me, because I was in deep deep need of Him.
What is Your Name?
Genesis 32:27 The Man asked him, what is your name? And in shock of realization, whispering, he said, Jacob – supplanter, schemer, trickster, and swindler.
I was responding to His question and I was crying out for Help from Him, because my name was Lonely! Fearful! Death-filled! Love-starved! Selfish! and Mourning! I’m afraid to come out from this pain-filled cave, because it is all I know. Change me! Help me! Take me from the Kaleidoscope of fear!
Sometimes I would walk close to the entrance of my cave, but I’d make certain no one noticed. If someone did by chance get a glimpse of me, I would not say anything to them for fear they would ask me to speak with them. Then, I would have to come out of the cave. I wanted and deeply desired to feel the sun on my arms and the wind in my hair and the closeness of friendship. I desired for someone, anyone, to call me out from my cave. I would silently yell inside of my heart, “Can’t you see I’m lonely?! Won’t you come and rescue me? I’m afraid to come out! HELP! Won’t someone PLEASE come set me free from this prison I’m in?!” I was so confused. I wanted out, but refused to leave. Can you understand the frustration I lived in? In time, I actually shifted the blame of my captivity onto another and it became someone else’s choice for me to remain captive and not my own. This way, it was not my fault, and I was free to remain a prisoner. This was very twisted and confused thinking, because it is God’s will to set us free from our prison cells. He came to make the captives free – it is His purpose! I ran for many years, because I was unwilling to pay the price for freedom. Others did come to release me from my cave but I refused their help and steadfastly remained inside my kaleidoscope of fear.
Genesis 32:28 And HE said, “Your name shall be no more Jacob (supplanter), but Israel (Contender with God); for you have contended and have power with God and with men and have prevailed.
Shake Off Death Filled
You know what? God is always calling our names. He is pursuing us ALWAYS, and the day finally came when I was broken enough to hear His voice calling me. Oh, the voice carried promise as He gently said my name. He personalized Genesis 32:28, and He said, “Donna, you can no longer live as Lonely and Afraid and Fearful! You must shake off your name Death-filled and Love-starved! You must turn away from Selfish and Mournful! It is time to start living. You must come with Me now, because I have a life for you to live!”
Can you hear the voice of the Lord calling your name? Can you relate to the need to retreat into a hole to protect yourself from the possibility of being rejected or abandoned or hurt? At the same time, can you relate to the consequence of shutting out love as well?
Pray With Me
Jesus, I bring my feelings to You and ask You to heal my hurting and broken heart. Even if I knew where to start healing myself, I would not know where to begin. You are the Master Healer, and I ask You to send me Your Truth, so I can become a whole woman. I want to be confident and assured of Your love for me and my love for me in Jesus’ name. I have been isolated and alone and much of it has been self-imposed. I no longer want to live according to what I think is right. I want to be in right standing with You, so I can love and be loved. Help Me God, for You are my only Hope. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
If you read this far you might be interested in a fiction story…kind of like a soap opera really – I released the 3rd part in the Other Side of the Road and am preparing to release FROM the Other Side of the Road – you can follow me there too if you like – its just for fun!! http://donnareinersblogs.wordpress.com/
Send this to friends who need to #BEBRAVER and come out of their own Kaleidoscope of Fear.
Have you ever walked into a season of life when it feels as if the walls are closing in and the very ground you are walking on is now shaking? You turn to the left and that friend who was once your “bestie” has moved on saying, “Our season of friendship is over.” You turn to the right and that special person whom you have stood with and been through thick and thin with for years is suddenly just not interested in who you are or what you have going on in life. Wow. Breathe in. Breathe out. You look around you and realize countries are fighting, companies are folding and churches are changing direction. That family whom you have been friends with for years is divorcing and one of them is taking the other one for all they’ve got. Who knew they had such contempt for one another? Then it gets even more personal. A family member divorces because the man they were married to decided to leave her for another man – I guess the first clue was that he had more female clothing in his closet than she did in hers. Then, a family member gets sick. Another family member dies. Yet another is wanting to commit suicide AND MAYBE you are thinking of doing that too. You don’t know if you are up or down. It’s as if a day has come when every prop you used to help you stand up has been removed and you are suddenly wobbling around like a chicken that just came out of your shell. When a chick comes out of the shell, the world is new and its trying to figure out how to walk and what its going and where it is and so on. BUT – you are not brand new out of a shell are you?
So, what are you going to do when all hell breaks loose and you feel like you are falling apart?!
DO IT AGAIN.
You ARE going to be okay. You will not just survive. You will LIVE.
LEAN into God – let the props go – let the crutches go.
IDENTIFY what it is you truly believe about this God Who says He loves you and Who says HE is your Father…its personal…its intimate….He is not just the Big Guy in the sky – if you have given yourself to Him then HE is now your Father and HE WILL NOT LEAVE YOU. HE is for you – but do you believe it in the midst of the tragedy?
VICTORY is yours IF you will let yourself truly truly trust yourself to His ways and His vision
ENCOURAGE yourself – do not just lay there and die. DO SOMETHING positive and prepare to move forward from where you are to where HE wants to take you.
You are going to have to be radically honest in order to LIVE.
What are your props? Emotional? Mental? Financial? Spiritual? Is it God or man?
Do you believe He loves you? This is a decision – not based on your experiences but based on HIS actions. HE DID die for you and HE DOES live and DOES make intercession for you today to become HIS and to remain HIS.
Can you ask HIM what HIS vision is for your life? MUST you continue to cling to your own thoughts or can you let Him give you His thoughts and ideas?
You DO have value and you are worth encouraging. You HAVE to decide to get up. I can lift you up and your friends can lift you up but you can just sit right back down again….its okay that we lift one another up and sometimes we won’t make it without the lifting but AFTER you are lifted…..are you willing to choose to live?
Only you can answer the above thoughts and queries.
I see your value. Do you? It is past time toBe BRAVE – Be Bold...decide today is the day to live. Be Respectful toward yourself and see your own personal value and take ACTION in living – you can honor yourself without it becoming a self centered selfish act – you can honor and value your life without running over others to do it. Remember there IS an avenue for VICTORY…..can you find it and then follow it? ENCOURAGE yourself in the LORD. Listen…today IS a new day and it is a day for personal bravery…be brave….until God makes you BRAVER.