Suddenly love again. A precious woman is faced with her husband’s life here on planet earth ending way too soon. Suddenly.
Life changes. Life ends. People divide. Anguish separates. Love my friends.
It’s intense. It’s mind boggling. Love is the only offering we have for one another. When you don’t understand. Love Again.
When you are misunderstood. Love. When you hear rumors. Believe the more excellent way. Keep short accounts.
When you seemingly can’t forgive. Love. When others won’t forgive you. Love.
Do not mistake your personal distrust as your discernment. Listen not to a gossiper. Just love. Unconditionally. Then, love again.
No, it will not always end up ok. They may drop your friendship with zero explanation. You may be a train wreck. It might be messy. Just owe nothing than love. Then LOVE. Love you. Love them. Love again.
At times convoluted and painful? You bet! Love anyway? Yes. It is His way when you feel unable to trust yourself or them. Live with that Love instead of your own. Love Again. Love-d
Deep stuff. I know a woman whose mind is not quite there. Somehow, someway though … she can worry. She can grab a hold of one subject and she can think about it and think about it and think about it until she can’t think about nothing else. Obsessing.
In this manner, she feels important. Why? It literally gives her something to do with her time other than read and watch TV. She’s an older person who doesn’t have anything to do. She used to be vibrant and participated in society and she used to feel meaningful and significant. Now she only feels old and decrepit. The other day she said she missed feeling productive. She missed feeling as if she mattered. Deep stuff.
It dawned on me that the reason she worries is because it gives her something that she feels is important to do. She misses accomplishing something that someone else praises her in or someone else needs done so that they can finish what they are doing… She misses working…fulfilling goals and wins. She worries about her family. She worries about America. She worries about money. The other day she was fixated on finding a book. She did not want to read these books out of order. It is a trilogy. She had already read number one but did not want to skip to number three. She wanted to read number two next. Because of her memory issues, you might want her to just read three and find two later – what does it really matter? Deep stuff.
But it matters to her. It’s her grasping onto a little bit of order- a sequence – similar to a child learning the numbering or lettering system – she’s remembering order. You teach a child one, two, three – not one, four, seven. She is enough with it in her mind sometimes that she remembers order and she remembers pieces of things that really do matter… At least to her. in that moment … Admittedly that ship may sail soon but right that second she felt “normal” and like she is accomplishing something that “matters”. Deep stuff.
I was thinking about children and how they feel safe when they know what is next…when they have order. They learn the “how to” set goals, accomplish vision, eat their vegetables, brush their teeth, sleep habit, reading habits – disciplines…early in life… setting the stage for how they grow and think.
Similarly, older ones who lived vibrant productive lives that have health issues sometimes find themselves doing nothing but watching tv, eating and reading. Their minds lose the ability of setting goals, accomplishing vision. They lose that part of themselves where found identity and usefulness. Deep stuff.
What is my point? Pay attention.
Pay attention to that person in front of you that seemingly has nothing to do. Because they might be doing something with your mind to help you see something through. Now I realize that worry is worship in a reversed kind of way. But I just wonder if God‘s graciousness and kindness sees it as prayer in his day. Again, deep stuff.
We can’t heal her mind though we would like to. We can only love her – We can’t change what has occurred. Loving that person who seems to have lost their way might be the most productive thing you do today.
So, I was pondering these things today about society as a whole…thinking of another friend who is in a similar way. Sitting. Waiting. Nothing to do. Nobody to talk to. Watching life pass her by. Grabbing hold of anything that makes her feel alive.
Growing older is not for wimps. But … Older people are just younger people with wrinkles.
In this Covid crisis aftermath, remember those who were locked away. Maybe that was you or me. Maybe you are still working out your life in isolation. Maybe nobody reaches into you because they are busy accomplishing their own life…
Inside – deep inside – listen close to Who resides. They can lead you with Grace to love that space. Deep Stuff.
Exchange STRUGGLE for STRATEGY. I have been in a struggle for years. Sometimes it was strife filled but no longer. Now, it’s life fillled. Listening. Daily. Struggle for strategy. This is the key. So, what’s your struggle? Mine has been health? Maybe yours is something else? Family. Responsibilities. Parenting. Adulting. Gambling. Porn. Workaholic. Alcoholic. Crises after crises. Under planning. Over planning. No planning. No miney. Too much money. Stress. Strife. Competition. Stubbornness. You name it.
WE have to see how to maneuver through these days and exchange our struggle for strategy.
I’m getting new thoughts. New ideas. New ways. New processes. A fresh start to hear and see. I’m exchanging my struggle for strategy…
You can receive a strategy to depart from that thought into a new thought, It’s not too late… It feels too late in some areas but it makes me press in more to hear and understand…so don’t give up… Love-d
Be someone who cares this new year. Someone who gives. You do not have to be a “caregiver” to care giving. You can give where you are whether big or small. First let’s talk about big.
I know a woman who has loved deeply. She has held the hands of women and men as they live their last breath on planet earth. It was not as a hospice nurse or paid caregiver. She has cared enough to give her time, resources, affection and passion to see another live…and then die.
Some of these would have died far before their time. She has valued them when they had no value. She has treasured them when they felt they were trash. She has been their companion when they would have died from loneliness. She has cared enough to give.
In her own search for value and identity, she has preserved another’s value and identity.
She is deep water. In essence she has given her life for another. Her maturity came at a price and her love is now priceless.
Let’s talk about small. But is any action of giving really small to God? Giving soup to the woman next-door who has been sick and cannot feed her family. Cleaning the yard of the elderly couple down the road because they just can’t seem to have the strength to do it anymore. Telling the mom who you can tell is about to lose her temper with her children that she is doing a good job… Because she thinks any minute she’s gonna lose her mind. Loving the person you are with even though they are depressed and don’t seem to like you anymore. Loving them with no expectation of anything back just because you know they are lonely and I need a validation and friendship. Valuing them. Valuing you. Valuing life on the planet. Loving the person you are with even though they are depressed and don’t seem to like you anymore. Loving them with no expectation of anything back just because you know they are lonely and need validation and friendship. Valuing them. Valuing you. Valuing life on the planet. Loving yourself when you look in the mirror instead of turning away with disgust at how you no longer like the way you look.
Let this new year Be your opportunity to find a value in you and those around you. In small ways or in big ways. Love is the answer. You have permission to give a care about you. And then you have permission to give a care for those around you with that same kindness.
IF you can relate – type I GET IT! There was a time many years ago when I would not sleep for #fear I would wake up dead.
There was a time many years ago when I blamed #sickness on disease. There was a time many years ago when I refused relationships for fear they would die and leave me alone.
There was a time many years ago when I agreed with doctors who said I would not live past 30.
There was a time many years ago when I agreed I would die like my mom.
There was a time many years ago when I felt you would not love me if you really got to ‘see’ me.
There was a time when I thought I would disappear into depression.
There was a time when I gave up and wanted to die.
There was a time…
There was a time…
There was a time…
I said, “But God.”
Yes, it sometimes required a #fight.
Yes, it sometimes required my will overriding overwhelming #emotions filled with #darkness and #despair.
Yes, it required me contending for life I could not yet see.
I said, “But God.”
So, my #friend if you have read until the end, I want you to know that overcoming that which wants to overcome you is worth it.
Knowing That One Who overcame the world and lives inside of you and lives inside of me is worth it.
And I’d do it again.
You – don’t you give up and don’t you turn back and don’t you give in to those #death filled thoughts and ideas. Choose life because Life chose you and you were and are worth choosing. But #God. I GET IT!! Share so that someone struggling about ‘there was a time’ will choose life. #REPOST Love-d
#coach #life #lifecoach #lifeisbeautiful #live #anxiety #mentalhealth #mental #health #christian #jesus #writer #author #church You are loved – Donna Reiners
I encourage today to take a long look at your today and your priorities. Spend time with God – I mean – really – spend some time with Him. Let Him love you. Then, instead of going about your normal routine of ignoring and avoiding eye contact with those who love you and want to spend time with you – call them on the phone and set up a time to actually visit.
#BEBRAVER and don’t cancel either. Re-prioritize your living life and remember that memories are made day by day – not just on holidays when you find that one day a year to honor or pay that obligatory visit to the nursing home or to your aging family member’s home. Life is short. One day you might be the one who wished you had a family member visit you. One day it could be you who sits alone in need of someone to help you up or clean you up or hold your hand or just listen to you tell wild and crazy stories that make zero sense….but you just need someone to talk to and so you make it up as you go along. Maybe you need to decide NOW to make lemonade out of lemons!
Bottom line? Don’t waste it griping and complaining when you can be loving and making memories. What we pour our lives into is frequently how we end up living our latter days…you pour into ignoring others and guess what? You pour into humiliating others? Guess what? You pour into living alone and maybe you ditch your family and then guess what? Is it always this way? There is mercy. So, let’s makes lemonade from our lemons and not take advantage and presume I we can do whatever I we want today…because tomorrow is still coming one day. Let’s #BEBRAVER and let’s make a plan and follow through and see if we don’t make some delicious lemonade from the lemons we have in our possession.
It may take some time. Don’t be condemned. Rome was not built in a day. Relationships take time. BUT the truth is that sometimes we don’t have time anymore so let’s take some steps forward….with lemons in hand.
Until next time!!
So, I was talking to a mom the other day who never sees her grow up adult kid. Now, I know this mom and they spent lots of time being there for their kid when they were young – all the sports games – took them lunch when they forgot it – took them their books when they so forgot them in the car – made sure the uniforms were clean – got them back and forth to school, to games, to friends, to…well…you name it. Fast forward – kid is now in the 20 something age. Guess what? Kid is soooo busy becoming a mature adult that there is no time to visit parents who are still alive and cognizant of their name and presence. This is not maturity – this is selfishness and lack of consideration. I’m calling it immature boundaries.
Side rant – maybe your parents were selfish and were not there for you AT ALL……..I’m sorry………but you still get to mature and be the better person………
Back to point – If your parent or those that represent your parents have to ask you to visit them…then maybe you do need a reminder. If you have a parent nonchalantly asking to see you – maybe you need to employ a little thing called HONOR and get your butt over there more often and spend time with the one who spent time with you doing all the things you wanted to do when you were a selfish little kid whose life was ALL ABOUT YOU.
Ok – so perhaps you have left your safe nest and live on your own and think you have the right to live however you want. Really? You think they took the right to live however THEY WANTED when they went to every one of your games, got your hair cut, clothes purchased, etc..?? Listen…I know a dad who told me…that’s just part of it. Really? Letting a kid who now is on their own and paying their own bills run all over you and not willing to do a simple task for you is not supposed to be part of it.
Seriously…the parents may have had better things to do but they felt the better thing was to do for the kid.
Now I want to tell you my mom died when I was 17…..it would be an honor to have a time to be with her now..in her 90’s. I’m gonna want someone to love me when I’m oldER. How about you?
So, word to the young one – whether you are 20 going on 10 or 30 or 40 or 50 or ……you get the picture – How about you be mature and plan time to give back your own time, energy, finances and resources. Why don’t you choose this time to grow up….instead of thinking you are all grown up and you should not have to do anything you don’t want to……….like an immature child…why not try giving back…..you never know…you might even find your parents are your best friends….maybe not all the time…but hey…be who you wanted them to be even if they can’t be that yet…or ever. Be the bigger person. Always. Refuse to have immature boundaries.
And if your heart is just not into it and you just cannot fathom going to see your parents or those who consider themselves as your parents then I got to say…………….you NOT seeing them……..is worse than their behavior because what they did in ignorance – you now do on purpose.
Nothing but love for you – but its time to #BEBRAVER and LOVE on purpose.
Today is a different kind of encouragement and it fits whether you are young or old or in between. You can be single, married, divorced, widowed or single with kids. Honestly, I believe it is pertinent to you and your life regardless of age. I encourage you to read this today. Maybe you at times feel you will either yell or cry or drink a shot of whiskey.
What do you do when your life is out of your hands? You seem to be a victim of circumstance? You wonder if anyone hears you crying inside. But the truth is no one knows you’re alive.
These are my thoughts today. I just finished wiping up poop from the floor, carpet and wall. Wow. Really? Yes – really. Actually, I almost called this Poop on the Floor but decided that was a great title for another time. It did not disturb me or cause me to think poorly of the person whose bowels released in my home. I can clean up the poop. Instead, it has caused me to get quiet and consider life and how we respond to people (not circumstances). My precious friend is staying with us for a season and we eat a tad different than she is accustomed and so that being said, a vegetables only diet moves through her body pretty fast. My choices are to yell, cry or drink a shot of whiskey.
I decided to do none of the above – instead, I chose to write. She was humiliated already so there was no need for me to point out that there was poop on the floor. I chose not to yell. I mean really? What would that accomplish other than make her feel squashed like a bug. She had not even had time to tell me. She slipped into the bathroom to clean her body and I found the debris hiding on the hallway floor. Obviously it was there and her cleaning it was not an option as I did not want to have to pick HER up from the floor if she lost her balance which would have totally made me cry. She kept saying that she could clean it up and all I could say was that its okay and I did not mind in the slightest bit. I mean, what if it were me who had loose bowels? How would I want to be treated? Granted, if this happened daily, it would probably test every fiber of the fruit of the spirit inside me and I would need to step away to find that peace. As a matter of fact….side note….the person she lives with has had every nerve in her being tested and it is a battle really because when you are a 24/7 caregiver – its a whole new ballgame of responsibility and need for rest. I have seen this care giver learn how to walk out life with kindness, love and loyalty. She knows how to love you even unto death and you just cannot say that about every person you know. Truth is that I’m more of a relief pitcher so my arm is not as tired in this area. Caring for someone all the time who cannot work, drive, cook, remember to eat or drink or what day it is…well…that’s a whole new level of pressure and pain. I have such incredible respect for the woman who loves the lady I’m looking after and know for certain she faces the same choices – to yell, cry or drink a shot of whiskey.
Shot of Whiskey
Love. Joy. Peace. Patience. Kindness. Goodness. Gentleness. Faithfulness. Self Control. Yes, these are the ways we are supposed to treat OURSELVES AND OTHERS. Don’t just be good to you and then shoot the finger at your neighbor just because their trash can ended up in your driveway. The wind could blow yours into their way next time. Truth is that what comes out of you and me already lives inside you and me. So, when it does come to the surface, look at it….why are you unkind to you? To others? Enough of the soul search. Back to my point and yes, I do have one. So, if you have stuck with me this far – some of you have already dropped off because you either think this is irrelevant to you or its too close to home so you want to avoid going there…but IF you are still with me, then I encourage you to consider all of this as if you were drinking a straight up shot of whiskey for a horrible cold or taking a shot that will save your life or….you get the picture. It may burn going down or hurt as it moves through the tissue but in the end it might just be good for you.
Pray With Me
God, I feel completely clueless. I see that life is precious and honestly, I’m unsure how to walk it out day by day. I can barely take care of me much less someone else. Help me know how to be kind to those around me and kind to me. Help me make room to love with touch and words and not just washing dishes or picking up the trash. I love you. Help me be love for those around me. Help me run this race so that when the day is over You say well done.
I love you – it is time to #BEBRAVER. Get a new attitude. Your life does not belong to you. You gave it up when you said I do to Him. Have some mercy. Mercy toward you and mercy toward others. Stop controlling all your circumstances and just love where you are and find out just how amazing God is to give peace.
Send this to friends who need encouragement to love their family while it is still called today.
Recently, we helped a man move who is 80 and slow and has the beginnings of not thinking clearly or remembering very well. He upsets easily and he feels discombobulated most the time. Let me tell you – he is not ready for a nursing home and not nursing home is ready for him. He is still sharp enough to drive you crazy! He complains about everything and is grateful about everything all at one time. We have chosen to love. Love covers. Love is how God dealt with our ugly. So, we love him because we are not better than he is…just younger. Respect is what he wants. Respect is what he needs. We do not know his family…yet. He is a Jewish believer as of mid 2014. So, this whole LOVE thing is culture shock for him, not doubt. I want to encourage you to love yourself and love those around you. Its a new year. Its a new day. You get another chance to love and to change and to #BEBRAVER and learn how to love like Jesus loved us.
I grimaced the first time I needed to help my sister with her private washing. I can still see the disgust on my face (she did not but I felt my face and saw my ugly heart) and I wanted to wash my hands as quickly as possible though they had been covered with gloves. Yet at the same time I heard a gentle whisper, “You are revolted – yet she is humiliated more deeply than your little disgust.” I knew this was true. I’m confident when she was 20, she never dreamed of not being able to wipe her own behind in her latter years. We must love those who cannot help themselves – this is The Cover Up.
HE cover us. HE covers us with HIS great LOVE. Today, choose to #BEBRAVER and LOVE with your mouth and deeds. Be not quick to condemn others for their circumstances – sometimes life just happens. Be kind to them and be kind to you! Sometimes you don’t have to go to a nursing home to love someone who is a shut in. You may have someone in your apartment complex, down your street, etc… LISTEN to the Holy Spirit and let HIM guide you and show you how to love. Don’t be afraid to love people you already know…
Pray with me:
Join me in an effort of love and kindness in every day life and when life happens to you or to me, perhaps the love and kindness we gave will come back as our friends. And if you were not kind or loving in early days and now find yourself alone, it is not too late. God is faithful. HE does not condemn us or throw guilt into our hurting hearts. Just tell Him, “I’m sorry Father. I did not know. Now I know. Help me. I want to be a friend and I want a friend. One person at a time. I receive Your forgiveness for my own selfish life. I forgive myself. I release those whom I feel are to blame and I say YES to You LORD. I ask You to lead me in Jesus name. Let my love cover others as I love them into You and let me not be part of the cover up!”