Be someone who cares this new year. Someone who gives. You do not have to be a “caregiver” to care giving. You can give where you are whether big or small. First let’s talk about big.
I know a woman who has loved deeply. She has held the hands of women and men as they live their last breath on planet earth. It was not as a hospice nurse or paid caregiver. She has cared enough to give her time, resources, affection and passion to see another live…and then die.
Some of these would have died far before their time. She has valued them when they had no value. She has treasured them when they felt they were trash. She has been their companion when they would have died from loneliness. She has cared enough to give.
In her own search for value and identity, she has preserved another’s value and identity.
She is deep water. In essence she has given her life for another. Her maturity came at a price and her love is now priceless.
Let’s talk about small. But is any action of giving really small to God? Giving soup to the woman next-door who has been sick and cannot feed her family. Cleaning the yard of the elderly couple down the road because they just can’t seem to have the strength to do it anymore. Telling the mom who you can tell is about to lose her temper with her children that she is doing a good job… Because she thinks any minute she’s gonna lose her mind. Loving the person you are with even though they are depressed and don’t seem to like you anymore. Loving them with no expectation of anything back just because you know they are lonely and I need a validation and friendship. Valuing them. Valuing you. Valuing life on the planet. Loving the person you are with even though they are depressed and don’t seem to like you anymore. Loving them with no expectation of anything back just because you know they are lonely and need validation and friendship. Valuing them. Valuing you. Valuing life on the planet. Loving yourself when you look in the mirror instead of turning away with disgust at how you no longer like the way you look.
Let this new year Be your opportunity to find a value in you and those around you. In small ways or in big ways. Love is the answer. You have permission to give a care about you. And then you have permission to give a care for those around you with that same kindness.
IF you can relate – type I GET IT! There was a time many years ago when I would not sleep for #fear I would wake up dead.
There was a time many years ago when I blamed #sickness on disease. There was a time many years ago when I refused relationships for fear they would die and leave me alone.
There was a time many years ago when I agreed with doctors who said I would not live past 30.
There was a time many years ago when I agreed I would die like my mom.
There was a time many years ago when I felt you would not love me if you really got to ‘see’ me.
There was a time when I thought I would disappear into depression.
There was a time when I gave up and wanted to die.
There was a time…
There was a time…
There was a time…
I said, “But God.”
Yes, it sometimes required a #fight.
Yes, it sometimes required my will overriding overwhelming #emotions filled with #darkness and #despair.
Yes, it required me contending for life I could not yet see.
I said, “But God.”
So, my #friend if you have read until the end, I want you to know that overcoming that which wants to overcome you is worth it.
Knowing That One Who overcame the world and lives inside of you and lives inside of me is worth it.
And I’d do it again.
You – don’t you give up and don’t you turn back and don’t you give in to those #death filled thoughts and ideas. Choose life because Life chose you and you were and are worth choosing. But #God. I GET IT!! Share so that someone struggling about ‘there was a time’ will choose life. #REPOST Love-d
#coach #life #lifecoach #lifeisbeautiful #live #anxiety #mentalhealth #mental #health #christian #jesus #writer #author #church You are loved – Donna Reiners
I encourage today to take a long look at your today and your priorities. Spend time with God – I mean – really – spend some time with Him. Let Him love you. Then, instead of going about your normal routine of ignoring and avoiding eye contact with those who love you and want to spend time with you – call them on the phone and set up a time to actually visit.
#BEBRAVER and don’t cancel either. Re-prioritize your living life and remember that memories are made day by day – not just on holidays when you find that one day a year to honor or pay that obligatory visit to the nursing home or to your aging family member’s home. Life is short. One day you might be the one who wished you had a family member visit you. One day it could be you who sits alone in need of someone to help you up or clean you up or hold your hand or just listen to you tell wild and crazy stories that make zero sense….but you just need someone to talk to and so you make it up as you go along. Maybe you need to decide NOW to make lemonade out of lemons!
Bottom line? Don’t waste it griping and complaining when you can be loving and making memories. What we pour our lives into is frequently how we end up living our latter days…you pour into ignoring others and guess what? You pour into humiliating others? Guess what? You pour into living alone and maybe you ditch your family and then guess what? Is it always this way? There is mercy. So, let’s makes lemonade from our lemons and not take advantage and presume I we can do whatever I we want today…because tomorrow is still coming one day. Let’s #BEBRAVER and let’s make a plan and follow through and see if we don’t make some delicious lemonade from the lemons we have in our possession.
It may take some time. Don’t be condemned. Rome was not built in a day. Relationships take time. BUT the truth is that sometimes we don’t have time anymore so let’s take some steps forward….with lemons in hand.
Until next time!!
So, I was talking to a mom the other day who never sees her grow up adult kid. Now, I know this mom and they spent lots of time being there for their kid when they were young – all the sports games – took them lunch when they forgot it – took them their books when they so forgot them in the car – made sure the uniforms were clean – got them back and forth to school, to games, to friends, to…well…you name it. Fast forward – kid is now in the 20 something age. Guess what? Kid is soooo busy becoming a mature adult that there is no time to visit parents who are still alive and cognizant of their name and presence. This is not maturity – this is selfishness and lack of consideration. I’m calling it immature boundaries.
Side rant – maybe your parents were selfish and were not there for you AT ALL……..I’m sorry………but you still get to mature and be the better person………
Back to point – If your parent or those that represent your parents have to ask you to visit them…then maybe you do need a reminder. If you have a parent nonchalantly asking to see you – maybe you need to employ a little thing called HONOR and get your butt over there more often and spend time with the one who spent time with you doing all the things you wanted to do when you were a selfish little kid whose life was ALL ABOUT YOU.
Ok – so perhaps you have left your safe nest and live on your own and think you have the right to live however you want. Really? You think they took the right to live however THEY WANTED when they went to every one of your games, got your hair cut, clothes purchased, etc..?? Listen…I know a dad who told me…that’s just part of it. Really? Letting a kid who now is on their own and paying their own bills run all over you and not willing to do a simple task for you is not supposed to be part of it.
Seriously…the parents may have had better things to do but they felt the better thing was to do for the kid.
Now I want to tell you my mom died when I was 17…..it would be an honor to have a time to be with her now..in her 90’s. I’m gonna want someone to love me when I’m oldER. How about you?
So, word to the young one – whether you are 20 going on 10 or 30 or 40 or 50 or ……you get the picture – How about you be mature and plan time to give back your own time, energy, finances and resources. Why don’t you choose this time to grow up….instead of thinking you are all grown up and you should not have to do anything you don’t want to……….like an immature child…why not try giving back…..you never know…you might even find your parents are your best friends….maybe not all the time…but hey…be who you wanted them to be even if they can’t be that yet…or ever. Be the bigger person. Always. Refuse to have immature boundaries.
And if your heart is just not into it and you just cannot fathom going to see your parents or those who consider themselves as your parents then I got to say…………….you NOT seeing them……..is worse than their behavior because what they did in ignorance – you now do on purpose.
Nothing but love for you – but its time to #BEBRAVER and LOVE on purpose.
Today is a different kind of encouragement and it fits whether you are young or old or in between. You can be single, married, divorced, widowed or single with kids. Honestly, I believe it is pertinent to you and your life regardless of age. I encourage you to read this today. Maybe you at times feel you will either yell or cry or drink a shot of whiskey.
What do you do when your life is out of your hands? You seem to be a victim of circumstance? You wonder if anyone hears you crying inside. But the truth is no one knows you’re alive.
These are my thoughts today. I just finished wiping up poop from the floor, carpet and wall. Wow. Really? Yes – really. Actually, I almost called this Poop on the Floor but decided that was a great title for another time. It did not disturb me or cause me to think poorly of the person whose bowels released in my home. I can clean up the poop. Instead, it has caused me to get quiet and consider life and how we respond to people (not circumstances). My precious friend is staying with us for a season and we eat a tad different than she is accustomed and so that being said, a vegetables only diet moves through her body pretty fast. My choices are to yell, cry or drink a shot of whiskey.
I decided to do none of the above – instead, I chose to write. She was humiliated already so there was no need for me to point out that there was poop on the floor. I chose not to yell. I mean really? What would that accomplish other than make her feel squashed like a bug. She had not even had time to tell me. She slipped into the bathroom to clean her body and I found the debris hiding on the hallway floor. Obviously it was there and her cleaning it was not an option as I did not want to have to pick HER up from the floor if she lost her balance which would have totally made me cry. She kept saying that she could clean it up and all I could say was that its okay and I did not mind in the slightest bit. I mean, what if it were me who had loose bowels? How would I want to be treated? Granted, if this happened daily, it would probably test every fiber of the fruit of the spirit inside me and I would need to step away to find that peace. As a matter of fact….side note….the person she lives with has had every nerve in her being tested and it is a battle really because when you are a 24/7 caregiver – its a whole new ballgame of responsibility and need for rest. I have seen this care giver learn how to walk out life with kindness, love and loyalty. She knows how to love you even unto death and you just cannot say that about every person you know. Truth is that I’m more of a relief pitcher so my arm is not as tired in this area. Caring for someone all the time who cannot work, drive, cook, remember to eat or drink or what day it is…well…that’s a whole new level of pressure and pain. I have such incredible respect for the woman who loves the lady I’m looking after and know for certain she faces the same choices – to yell, cry or drink a shot of whiskey.
Shot of Whiskey
Love. Joy. Peace. Patience. Kindness. Goodness. Gentleness. Faithfulness. Self Control. Yes, these are the ways we are supposed to treat OURSELVES AND OTHERS. Don’t just be good to you and then shoot the finger at your neighbor just because their trash can ended up in your driveway. The wind could blow yours into their way next time. Truth is that what comes out of you and me already lives inside you and me. So, when it does come to the surface, look at it….why are you unkind to you? To others? Enough of the soul search. Back to my point and yes, I do have one. So, if you have stuck with me this far – some of you have already dropped off because you either think this is irrelevant to you or its too close to home so you want to avoid going there…but IF you are still with me, then I encourage you to consider all of this as if you were drinking a straight up shot of whiskey for a horrible cold or taking a shot that will save your life or….you get the picture. It may burn going down or hurt as it moves through the tissue but in the end it might just be good for you.
Pray With Me
God, I feel completely clueless. I see that life is precious and honestly, I’m unsure how to walk it out day by day. I can barely take care of me much less someone else. Help me know how to be kind to those around me and kind to me. Help me make room to love with touch and words and not just washing dishes or picking up the trash. I love you. Help me be love for those around me. Help me run this race so that when the day is over You say well done.
I love you – it is time to #BEBRAVER. Get a new attitude. Your life does not belong to you. You gave it up when you said I do to Him. Have some mercy. Mercy toward you and mercy toward others. Stop controlling all your circumstances and just love where you are and find out just how amazing God is to give peace.
Send this to friends who need encouragement to love their family while it is still called today.
Recently, we helped a man move who is 80 and slow and has the beginnings of not thinking clearly or remembering very well. He upsets easily and he feels discombobulated most the time. Let me tell you – he is not ready for a nursing home and not nursing home is ready for him. He is still sharp enough to drive you crazy! He complains about everything and is grateful about everything all at one time. We have chosen to love. Love covers. Love is how God dealt with our ugly. So, we love him because we are not better than he is…just younger. Respect is what he wants. Respect is what he needs. We do not know his family…yet. He is a Jewish believer as of mid 2014. So, this whole LOVE thing is culture shock for him, not doubt. I want to encourage you to love yourself and love those around you. Its a new year. Its a new day. You get another chance to love and to change and to #BEBRAVER and learn how to love like Jesus loved us.
I grimaced the first time I needed to help my sister with her private washing. I can still see the disgust on my face (she did not but I felt my face and saw my ugly heart) and I wanted to wash my hands as quickly as possible though they had been covered with gloves. Yet at the same time I heard a gentle whisper, “You are revolted – yet she is humiliated more deeply than your little disgust.” I knew this was true. I’m confident when she was 20, she never dreamed of not being able to wipe her own behind in her latter years. We must love those who cannot help themselves – this is The Cover Up.
HE cover us. HE covers us with HIS great LOVE. Today, choose to #BEBRAVER and LOVE with your mouth and deeds. Be not quick to condemn others for their circumstances – sometimes life just happens. Be kind to them and be kind to you! Sometimes you don’t have to go to a nursing home to love someone who is a shut in. You may have someone in your apartment complex, down your street, etc… LISTEN to the Holy Spirit and let HIM guide you and show you how to love. Don’t be afraid to love people you already know…
Pray with me:
Join me in an effort of love and kindness in every day life and when life happens to you or to me, perhaps the love and kindness we gave will come back as our friends. And if you were not kind or loving in early days and now find yourself alone, it is not too late. God is faithful. HE does not condemn us or throw guilt into our hurting hearts. Just tell Him, “I’m sorry Father. I did not know. Now I know. Help me. I want to be a friend and I want a friend. One person at a time. I receive Your forgiveness for my own selfish life. I forgive myself. I release those whom I feel are to blame and I say YES to You LORD. I ask You to lead me in Jesus name. Let my love cover others as I love them into You and let me not be part of the cover up!”
Gradually, as my eyes opened to the hopeless and defeated cries of the hearts of the men and women sitting and crying and sometimes yelling aloud for help…I realized…they were just like you and me. They just want dignity. They want love. they want a friend. Is that too much to ask for? Have you ever heard that song – “R.E.S.P.E.C.T – find out what it means to me?” Just some love. Just some respect. Just some good old fashioned dignity. Isn’t that what you want? Isn’t that what I want? Love? Respect? Dignity? NOPE – I can’t fix their situations. I don’t know why each person is there. I don’t know why some have no visitors except on a major holiday and how some never have visitors- ever. Is it because we have been trapped in our busy-ness and now gauge significance and importance by what we do instead of our just be-ing? I needed to learn how to love and how to respect and how to honor – one smile at a time – one person at a time – perhaps one man will feel human again….AND maybe one woman will feel alive instead of useless and MAYBE ….just maybe that smile and that kindness will be what they remember on days when they are ignored by those who pass them by.
Cowardice is not attractive. Fear is ugly. You and I have to face head on those things that keep us from loving others as well as ourselves. We must respect them and respect their reasons for their own cover up but you have to choose to NOT be part of the cover up.
LOVE is always the answer and it always PUSHES FEAR OUT THE DOOR! THEREFORE, do yourself a favor and instead of feeling guilty or condemned for not taking action or for not knowing what to do or how to do it – #BEBRAVER in living because the truth is that LIFE HAPPENS! It happens to you. It happens to me. It happens to those around us. It happens when we least expect it.
Pray with me! Father, HELP ME push fear out the door with YOUR love in and through me in Jesus name!
I remember the smell of baby powder as I walked into the nursing home. It was an overwhelming scent. It was as if someone poured an entire container of it into a corner so that the odor of the powder would overcome the smell of sickness and urine. The cover up.
Have you ever walked down a hallway and looked into the eyes of those who simply stared back blankly as if you were a wall? You imagine waving your hand over their eyes just to see response. Are the lights on? Is anybody home? You have to choose not to be dissuaded by a blank gaze that is the cover up.
If you will make your visit with that one person not about you but about them then the task is not as difficult. Your ears won’t be shut by your own offense. You see, the truth is that those looks from the seemingly empty hearts are really an almost audible voice whispering loudly from the heart of God, “Will you take a moment to say hello to Me? Will you shake My hand and just pretend you respect Me? Will you simply stop long enough to look Me into the eye and demonstrate that I once had significance? These once giants wait feebly and intentionally at the thresholds of their rooms with zero interest on their face – yet it is a test for you and for me. What they really want is a smile or a kind hello. They want you to say their name with joy and recognition as if they are your closest friend though maybe you have never met them and maybe you won’t ever see them again. Most don’t give you the satisfaction of showing any facial change when you do stop because they don’t want pity – they want genuine interest. They want to know if you can see through the cover up.
We must decide to love no matter what the smell, the look, the response. It is not easy. But, it is God’s way. HE loved us even when we said no AND HE loves us now even when we say no OR act like we are saying no. Let’s LOVE and then maybe …through the impact of one smile at a time…one hand shake at a time…one eye contact at at time…one at a time will say yes to being loved by us.
Pray with me – God, help me to LOVE so that a world will know Your Love.
Admittedly, when I first began to visit, I kept my eyes forward and my ears shut because I had no idea what to do or say. Also, I had no idea what NOT to say… to these older ones who had not banked on being shut away in their latter years. Slowly it dawned on me that they didn’t have a problem. I was the problem. I was a coward. Seriously. Every color and every culture and every malady seems to exist down those lonely well lit halls. As I faced my own fears….you know like the truth that I was afraid I would fail at loving them or saying the wrong thing and yet that was a lie and it was fear filled. So, I purposefully started to make eye contact with every man and woman sitting in the hallways. Soon, you learn how you can gently touch on the shoulder and who you should only smile at and who is ready for an actual hug. Also, I began to say hello and smile at the staff that cared for these shut into the cover up.
What do you do with this? How to live??
Pray with me – God, help me to LOVE and to be loved. Help me be unafraid! I want to learn how to love. I love You LORD!