No longer that me

August has come and is almost gone and saying goodbye to the old me til I’m no longer that me is still in progress. Less than half the year remains to live. I sense change. But then change is every day isn’t it? I sense a stepping forward. But then every day is that day too.

Some need the motivation of a gentle tog, strong urge, raised voice or hit on the head to step onward. I want to be unafraid of obeying The One Who wants me prepared. I want to be free from sabotage. But how?

I encourage you today to take one step today to make room for something new. An exercise, cleaning a drawer, giving away clothes, revamping the garage or attic are all action steps help you say goodbye to an old you.

If I’m not going to use it maybe it’s time to lose it. My mini project today is to go through a box of old journals all the way to 1993. I began to write out my life as a new follower of Christ and honestly I’m no longer the person in those pages. Time to say goodbye. Maybe this step will free me from more of me – but even if it’s just giving me an empty container – it will be worth it. What’s this got to do with sabotage? My junk is always in my way. I ignore it and then Im entangled with it when deep inside I DO know what to do. I just don’t do it. My mind gets jumbled with so much and I’m overwhelmed with it … because I won’t do that one thing. After a while a thousand one things sabotage my next step and I’m enslaved…trapped..by me and my refusal to just do that one thing.

Interestingly that August is the 8th month and eight means means a cutting away. Many think it means a new day. But really… It is the cutting a way that brings the newness.

I’ve been contemplating for a month or so on what comes out of my mouth. I believe I need to prune my words. My mouth is my greatest place of sabotage. It will have to be a conscious effort to create a new culture. Everywhere we turn, people complain. We complain about what we eat, who said what, how we are treated, what the news says, how we look, how someone else behaves, what we wear, the weather, the president, the preacher, this country, that company. It’s easy to get wrapped up and sucked into your own or your neighbors opinion/words.

We fill ourselves with negativity while using excuses like venting, praying, or processing. Yet what is it really? We lack self control while exercising our freedom to be free.

I’m not sure my own opinion warrants words anymore. I seem to sabotage my own life as soon as I have a new one. My mouth.

What about you? Do you have a negative perspective about yourself that dominates you?

How about joining me in an all out fast from complaining? From complaining to celebrating. This is the intention. Let me know if you want to grow?? If so, gossip and complaining about you and others has to go.

Fast from complaining about you and those with you. Think of create ways to correct yourself and those with you. I’ve started and I’m having to literally start by shutting up because when I realize how it was gonna come out of my mouth???????…. I realized I’m a big problem. I can’t stop those around me from their negative talk about them or me. But it’s like God nudged me and showered me with Love and showed me a new path. I can see how if I will lead the way- over time I’ll get it. If I will respond with kindness when someone criticizes me then it will diffuse what could turn ugly if I got offended by them.

I’m not sure I even know how to be a complain free person. But I’m starting today to clean up my mouth while on the way to clean out a container. Maybe there will be a correlation? Unsure. I just know my mouth is powerful and it can be used for building up or tearing down. I caught myself tearing down late last night through emotions that should have been reigned in.

Sabotage is not my friend. Venting is not my friend. Making a point is not my friend. Having the last word? Not my friend.

Celebration is my friend. It must be intentional or it won’t happen.

Jesus had the last word. Well He had a couple- Forgive them and It is finished. So, I’m forgiven and the ones with me are forgiven. I’m gonna lean into being forgiven and forgiving and lean into what’s been finished so I can finish..

Until soon and much love… I’m going to have a cup of coffee and celebrate a new beginning. Then, Im going to drink some water. Then?? I’m headed out to get ONE container to empty…that hopefully will lead to some more. Granted my house is going to want food so as soon as I’m in a groove I’ll need to stop for a fueling. This is not sabotage. This is love. For me. For them.

Slowly I’m learning to see me as Christ sees me. The clincher is to see others as Christ sees them – that’s the mark of change. I have failed in this arena. But today is still my new day as I learn to say goodbye to an old me and I learn to embrace a new me…on my way to celebrate the me who has yet to be on my way to the container filled with what is no longer me…

d

Set My Mouth Ablaze

Set My Mouth Ablaze 20140628-NDI20046
FOR YOU ALONE GOD!

The Porcupine

About twenty years ago, the LORD told me I looked like a porcupine! Of all the creatures in the animal kingdom, He chose a porcupine! I didn’t feel very flattered by that type of description. However, as He unfolded that little picture, He showed me what He meant and how to change. Do you know how a porcupine uses his quills? Quills are a defense-a protection-a suit of armor. A porcupine can erect those very sharp prickles – some of them nine or 10 inches long – any time he wants! Of course, you could not see my sharp quills, but they were there – my very own self-made tools of defense, my protection and my armor. Let me just say that I was well versed in using them and my mouth wounded a number of people as I was a porcupine in a suit of armor who frequently set my mouth ablaze.

James 3:5 Even so the tongue is a little member, and it can boast of great things. See how much wood or how great a forest a tiny spark can set ablaze.

As a woman running from love, I would rip you apart with my words if I thought you said the wrong thing to me. If I thought you were getting too close, you would have to by pass an “if-looks-could-kill” glance. Quicker than the eye could see or the heart could tell I would wield my piercing sword. You, then, would be the one apologizing because you would be so confused about who was really at fault! Even I would be deceived in thinking it was your fault for getting too close. I had no idea I was responsible and could actually control how I responded. My past pain rose in my defense and set my mouth ablaze.

James 3:6 And the tongue is a fire. It is a world of wickedness set among our members, contaminating and depraving the whole body and setting on fire the wheel of birth, being itself ignited by hell.

Most of my life, my mouth got me into loads of trouble, because I was so filled with pain and so filled with a poor image of myself. I had no idea that God loved me; much less that He had a plan for my life. After all, how could He love me when I felt so horrible about myself? I was so consumed with feeling like dirt, because I thought that was what others thought of me. I was so friendly that I was known as an icebox and my thoughts set my mouth ablaze.
The Icebox
As an adult in my thirties, I remember a very nice man at our church came up to me one day and asked if he could be my friend. At this time, I was in love with Jesus and I was growing in His wonderful passion and love for me. This man asked if we could go get a cup of coffee, and he said he wanted to “get to know me better.” Wow! A man wanted to get to know me. On one hand, I was flattered, but on the other hand I knew it was a major improbability. In my early years of Christianity, I was very focused on Him and His word and really had no use for people. Remember, quills were my defense. As a matter of fact, I was known as an “icebox,” and so the fact that he had the guts to approach me at all said a lot about his character. In that way, I was impressed. However, this was my response – I looked him in the eye and said, “No, I cannot get to know you better, because when I look into your eyes I see the same need I see in my own when I go home and look in the mirror.” He was pierced by my honesty and hurt by my words. I spoke truth, and he knew it, yet there might have been a gentler way to say it. At the time, gentler meant nothing to me, and it was not so much that I did not care much about the feelings of others, but that I had no idea how to be kinder. In addition, I was too busy protecting my own feelings to understand his heart. A year later, he came up to me at church and said how much I had hurt him, but what I had said had been true. He had taken that year to reflect on those words and seek the Lord. He determined not to be so needy. Years later, he is a very happily married man with several children and a beautiful wife who loves him. Praise GOD his response was mature and his relationship with God was stable or else he could have chosen to be wounded for life and live inside a castle of isolation. As I grew into love and love poured into me, I began to meditate on the following scripture and let IT set my mouth ablaze.

James 3:17 But the wisdom from above is first of all pure and undefiled. Then, it is peace-loving, courteous, considerate, and gentle. It is willing to yield to reason, full of compassion and good fruits; it is wholehearted and straight forward, impartial and unfeigned – free from doubts, wavering and insincerity.

As a brand new believer, my mouth was far from undefiled, and I needed an act of God to change me. As I listened more and talked less, I began to get a glimpse of His feelings toward me, and you know what? His wisdom, His heart, His feelings are peace-loving, courteous, considerate, gentle. God Himself began to pour into me the very thing He wanted me to pour out. Oh, the faithfulness of our God to change a willing heart. Have you ever ripped anyone apart in your words or your thoughts either on purpose or by accident? Do you have your own set of quills? Or like me, do you need the Word of God to set your mouth ablaze?
Pray with me
I admit that I may be difficult to get to know. I keep everyone at arm’s length, because of my fears of being known. I say things I shouldn’t say, and I think things I shouldn’t think, just because I refuse to let others get to know me. I am afraid of love and afraid of being loved and afraid of loving. Help me God! I want to change, but I don’t know where to start. So, I begin with You, Lord. Help me change and help me to receive others and love others! In Jesus’ name. Amen.

The LORD bless you with special bravery this year as you press forward to know Him better and so that others can know you too. #Bebraver and get out there in your community. LOVE those around you and be #LITNG.

If you read this far you might be interested in a fiction story…kind of like a soap opera really – I released the 3rd part in the Other Side of the Road and am preparing to release FROM the Other Side of the Road – you can follow me there too if you like – its just for fun!! http://donnareinersblogs.wordpress.com/

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Until next time,

d