My husband told me last year that he really wanted me to start writing about my how my emotions were impacting my life and I realized I was in a new day and I needed a new strategy.
I thought he was crazy because I help others in their emotional demise and so why on earth would anyone be that transparent regarding a field others come to them for help with?
Also, last year, I had an encounter with a publisher who in my dream time, called me on the phone and invited me to publish a book. How on earth?
All these clues about writing yet reluctance became my friend instead of paying attention to what I’m hearing in my own two ears.
Over the past year and a half, I have had some physical changes which have caused me to question my sanity and sometimes my existence.
Yep. Been strange. But then, new day – new strategy.
It has taken me almost a year to break free of the fear of writing authentically about what I feel and experience … because I have not wanted anyone to think I’m crazy.
I’m finally in that place of I don’t care so here goes.
Today, I go in for a second brain scan to determine if I have had any positive changes since the last one. Oxygen has not been getting to my brain … for almost 20 years. What do I need? A new day – new strategy.
And I wondered why my body broke down?
And I wondered why my emotions hit a wall?
And I wondered why I felt I was going crazy?
And I wondered … well … you probably don’t want to know everything I wondered.
Since I do not believe in a dark night of the soul – suffice to say – I’m in a new place in my life regarding relationships (not many), faith (stronger), trust in society (less), loneliness (richer and stronger), family appreciation (stronger and deeper), fear of dying (still dealing with this one) and… the list goes on…
I realize that I’m simply having a season not unlike yours where you are finding out your weaknesses are your greatest strengths and how God wants you to mature in your weaknesses not shrivel up and die from them. Husbands. Help. Hormones.
So, that is what I’m confronting these days – my inability to just snap out of it and rock on like I used to … I’m literally having to stop. I’m having to slow. I’m having to be alone. I’m having to breath in and out with greater intention. I’m having to look at things like hormones and oxygen to the brain and cell life and water and… friendship with myself and humanity. I’m having to literally say no to just going out and be happy to remain at home with nothing but my paintbrush because anything more makes me want to cry. New Day – New Strategy.
Pretty confident I am not alone in the changes taking place. I’m almost positive you – my precious reader – have been undergoing strong changes and you are stepping into your greatest hour of discovering just what you too are made of.
Don’t give up.
Remember God looks at everything and is not as compartmentalized as we are and HE has solutions for things we think are hopeless and HE is more practical than we think He is as well… like…if you are cold…put a sweater on or use a blanket … if your car is out of gas – fill it up … like your physical body has issues so pray about this for 10 years with zero help and watch it fall apart because God is not healing you … WAIT… I mean… take some practical steps friends in determining what they hey and partner with Him for life and living…
In case nobody has told you lately – I love you.
Go look in the mirror and tell yourself you love you too..
Until soon and though you may not have a husband – and though you may not need help and though you may not have hormones making you crazy – you may have something else looming… Let Father show you and lead you into His love and kindness as you figure it out with Him. New Day – New Strategy.
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Grace is the Way.